He says "Listen man. Pop around for a plate later. Im hosting the book club namhlanje" before she can answer he says "Surely that guy of yours wont mind. Its just food" Art of War tactics ke ezi.

The only right answer here is "Thanks, next time maybe" Any other answer allows room for dialogue. So, immediately after that exchange she calls you, you respond over the music "Hey, Im here ecarwash namajita. Its Spiyoyo's birthday, we started early"

She already knows what this means: You will be unavailable for the better part of the day and probably the evening. She says "Ooooh okay" and you say, "Sure ke. Call you later" before she can get in a "I love you" you've already hung up

She then calls her bestie, who says "Hey tshommmmy. Im at the beach with my man, we having a picnic" What are you guys doing today?" Yhoooo now shes really down. She doesnt want to answer, so she makes some stuff about an incoming call and hangs up

She consoled herself to the fact that its just going to be her and netflix today. So she gets some wine and some treats. Drives into the complex and makes her way up

As she gets to her floor, she can hear laughs and Daniel Caesar's Best Part playing. Its coming from the unit of that fellow

She checks her whatsapp, nothing from you, she checks twitter, the TL is boring, its a Saturday afternoon after all. She checks insta, and youve posted a pic with Spiyoyo. She can tell from the pic that you are tipsy already

She pours a glass of Chardonnay, takes off her bra, her weave, gets a comfortable on the couch and puts on an episode of Greenleaf.

As shes watching, having popcorn, she receives a whatsapp from an unknown number. Message says "Offer still stands" She looks at pro-pic and its a pic of that fellow. In the pic, hes gazing into the window of a coffee shop.

She realises that he must have saved her number after she sent him her email address. She looks at the message again and decides not to respond. Good girl!!

She decides to call you, you answer but the piano is kokoting nice there in the backround she cant hear you. She shouts "I cant hear you. Go somewhere quiet. Hello" All she gets from other side is "HALLO! HALLO!! BABY"

You hang up and immediately text "cant hear you" Uuuuum duh Einstein She sighs and goes to pour another glass of the winez. She picks up her phone and types "??" there by mezza's message

Before she puts her phone down she already sees "072 5584 311 is typing" yhoo that was quick

He sends her the unit number followed by smiley face. Yeeey, hay you are seeing flames now here champ. She downs the wine and decides to go change. She changes her top, irons her weave quick and phfa phfas some perfume.

Shes all done now, and goes to the kitchen to take a bottle of wine from the wine rack to take with her. She decides to call you again. You dont know it but the outcome of this call will dictate her next move

Phone rings once, twice, three times, no answer. Its still ringing. Finally you answer "BABE!!! Whazzup?" Shes releaved to hear your voice even though the music is so loud it sounds like Kabza de Small is part of the call

she asks how things are going and you say "Mamela, im in the que to get our meat, will call you back just now" She just keeps quiet and then you end the call

Hayke. She grabs the house keys, puts on her sandals and heads out. Locks the door behind her and proceeds to that unit.She takes a deep breath and knocks at Mezza's door.

As he opens, there is immediately a breeze. Its cross ventilation, braai meat, home incence and meza's cologne all at once. He gives a big colgate smile and says "Heeeeeeey"

He ushers her inside and she gives him the wine, he takes it and says "Ohhh this is nice. Did you get it at the estate?" She answers yes. There are about 7 people guys and girls.

He introduces everyone, She greets them all and takes a seat. He goes to the kitchen counter and asks "What you having? We have gin, vodka, ciders, beer and some champagne. Real champagne. not sparkling wine" Ja, its thaat kinda crowd

She's quickly scopes the room and sees everyone is having bubbles so she asks for champopo he asks "brut or rosé?" She says "Brut please" and he responds "Good choice" he takes out a cold Vueve and pops it

He hands her a flute and says "okay this months book was Sihle Bolani's We Are The Ones we Need. Not sure if you've read it" she says "actually yes I have. Loved it"

So ke the discussion is about shared experiences in Corporate SA. She says "Someone once said to me that the demographics of corporate SA show just how little has changed since deomcracy" you actually said that to her

Everyone agrees and meza says "You know. That's so true" her phone beeps. It's a message from you. A pic of braai'd meet with the message "Wish you were here". She doesn't respond and puts her phone away

After an hour of so of debate, Meza comes in from balcony in his apron and says the meat is ready. Everyone is taking pics of the food. She also snaps. Its a proper setup, salads, the works. he offers to dish for her and she says okay. You NEVER do that

Hayke, he gives her a plate and says "I hope its not too much" she says "No its perfect". He then puts Zonke's Live DVD in and puts it loud enough to be heard but soft enough to hear conversation. The music is crisp. The sound bar is proper!

After grub, Meza brings in the hubbly pipe. Hes extra that chap so its one of those big ones with like 4 pipes. Nobody asks but he says "I bought it in Egypt. getting it in the country was a mission" showoff!!!

30 Seconds is out. Everyone is forced to take a round of Jagerbombs. One of the girls tells Meza that they are out of Champers and he brings 4 bottles from the Bedroom: 2 Brut and 2 Rose. Hayi uyaphela ngoku wena apha!!

Its a great time. Shes reading the card and her team has got all of them so far. She says "uuumm okay Richard Gere, Julia Roberts" Meza shouts "Pretty Woman" Yes!!! the team jump up and hug eachother. her and Meza's hug lingers

Phone rings, because everyone here has an iphone nobody knows whos it is. So she picks up and walks to the balcony, its you. You dont even notice she greeted you with a "Hello" instead of the usual "Hey babe"

"Mamela. Spiyoyo has a table eCubana. So we are going there. I wanted to come home but we are in my car. I will be back late okay" She sighs and says "Oh okay" You ask "Should i bring you that rib and wing basket?"

She says "no its okay hey", You say are you sure? She responds "Ja no im fine hey. Like, youre not even going to ask nditye ntoni mini yonke? Actually, you know what, its fine bra. Have fun. Happy Birthday to Spiyoyo"

She goes back inside, visibly off. Meza shouts "dude, uvelaphi, Ive been losing here without you. These people know nothing" She laughs and has the jagerbomb thats been waiting for her

The game finishes and people start leaving one by one. She checks her whatsapp. Nothing from you!! Goes on insta and sees a pic on Spiyoyo's insta. Its the two of you with two bottles of Hennessy and the Cubana waitress inbetween. She shakes her head

She offers to help with the dishes and Meza says "Okay, ill wash and you dry" You NEVER do the dishes!!! Theres serious teamwork going on there in the kitchen now. He blows the foam from the dishwashing liquid on her. They laugh

His phone rings and because his hands are wet, he asks her to take it out of his front pocket She does. Yeeey, she can see he gyms this fellow

They almost done with the dishes and as he gives her a plate, he rubs her hand and they look at each other. They maintain eye contact and are interrupted by the last two people leaving. They say it was nice to meet her and hope to see her soon

And then.........................There were two!!! He offers a night cap and she says "I think i must get going hey" he says just one. She says okay. He opens that Chardonnay she came with and puts on Emeli Sandé

They move to living room and sit on the couch with the music playing. Chatting away. Meza takes her glass for a refill. When he returns, hes now sitting closer than before.

Before they know it, they are within lamza!!! Serious tonsil hockey here chief!!! Her phone rings and its you. That comrade is nibbling there on the neck and she gently pushes him away to go answer by balcony

"Fuck these niggas!!! Baby, Spiyo had a fight ne cherry yakhe. You know la drama queen!! She left with his wallet. Yessses!" she responds "So uzothini?" YOu respond "Im gonna settle it but i told him i want this money NGOMSO"

"I will be back in 15 min. Can you believe they still want vibes!! Mxim. Im going to leave, they can see how they get home" she responds, oh okay

She goes back inside and meza asks if things are okay. She says yes. He leans in for part 2 but she ducks him like Trinity in the Matrix. "Listen sorry man. This shouldn't have happend. Im sorry. I have to go"

Meza asks "Whats wrong, i thought we were cool? did i do something wrong" she responds "no we are. no man we're not. There is no WE! what am i saying. Look, i have to go, thank you for the day"

As she leaves, he grabs her and tries to lean in for a lamza, she firmly pushes him away and says "Stop it" He backs off and apologizes. She doesnt respond, leaves. BANG!! Door closes

She gets into the flat, closes the door and goes to the bathroom. Runs her washing rag under lukewarm water and wipes her face and neck. Staring at herself in the mirror.

She pours a glass of wine, sits on the couch, That episode Greenleaf is still paused. She presses Play. She hears the key turn, in you walk, Igrootman. You take off your G-star sneakers, kiss her forehead and throw yourself next to her

"Soooooo how was it?" she asks, with your head is lying on her lap, you let out a huge sigh, smelling of cognac and cigars. "Yhoooo hayi, im done with those chaps. Rhaaaaaaa" She responds" You never learn wena"

She asks "Uphi uSpiyoyo?" no response. She shakes you, hayi you faaaaaaaaaast asleep! She crawls up and under your arm on the couch. You hold her tight and give a half asleep "I love you baby vha" You both fall asleep. THE END

When your woman says "bra" over the phone, shes not impressed with whatever is going on. #LessonsToMyNephew