Sorry for being a bother. I'll stop now.

It was a fun experiment at least. I could try to push it further, but I just know I'm not cut out for it. At least I can keep it to myself, and change it whenever I need to.

Oh well.

I almost would have preferred someone be critical of me. At least I would know. The silence was just...

unnerving.

Maybe not unnerving, maybe I felt like a bother. Like just jumping up in front of everyone shouting "hey look at this thing I did!"

Shouting louder doesn't help, it just makes the silence all the more depressing

I kinda just shoved it in people's faces too. Like who was I kidding. People would ask some surface level questions but I always chickened out anyways.

Why was I even trying to pretend?

People are just busy, I get that. I'm not sure if feining interest is better or worse than just being ignored from the jump.

Maybe I wanted honesty? Like "too much" or "you suck at this"

Silence is just so cruel

Even if people show interest now will it just be out of pity?

I don't want that. What kind of message does that paint?

"only looked at this cause I felt sorry for the guy."

This might be incredibly depressing and demoralizing, but at least I have my pride.

Maybe I'm learning the wrong lesson from this. But if I'm gonna be subject to silence anyways, might as well embrace it.

I tried, it was ignored, time for it to vanish.

I'm not gonna stop though. I enjoy the process. It's just sad that no one else will ever get to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Not that anyone really even cared in the first place

I think ultimately I wanted people to get as excited as I do coming up with stuff.

Nobody's interested in that level of detail.

I know series with more detail than I could ever hope to come up with that have huge followings that debate the finer points.

Maybe I wanted that?

It was stupid to have that expectation, even as a fantasy.

I just kept chugging along thinking to myself: today's the day. Someone will notice.

Maybe they'll have a question
Perhaps even comment on something I didn't even notice.

That never happened.

And why should it have? What did I do to deserve that?

Its my own fault for having unrealistic expectations

Anyways I'm just tired.

Maybe I'll delete this thread later. Maybe I'll leave it up to remind myself of these feelings, so I don't make the same mistake twice.

I have pretty bad memory