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i really fucking hate myself. i feel like the only reason my """"issues"""" have any weight is because i have the ability to describe them in important sounding terms. does that make sense? i mean,, i think the way i express them invariably makes them sound worse for
the people listening as well as myself because i mentally give into the idea that i am suffering from something. i mean saying that i feel sad would make me sadder than i actually was when i said the initial statement (which was probably marginal anyway?)
and like,, i know it's burdening to listen to peoples problems so genuinely asserting that none of you need to feel concerned im cool im just airing some thoughts out
i dont want to fucking work more but i HAVE to,, i have to because the guilt of not working is the worst and also i have to because id like to have a future lmao ok i mean its so different from how i used to think about the future (a void because i be gone) so thats good
ehhhhh this neverending syllabus for exams is creeping the fuck out of me it is literally neverending and nothing i do will be enough and i cannot fucking do this i want an end
i cant study because of my fucking brain and i am really really losing it. i could study during boards. not at this time,, and it will slowly but surely drive me insane i cant do this
really whats the deal with men crying not even the most progressive of progressives don't have internal biases about men crying and oh god i wish i can get this internalized thing out because i would appreciate some catharsis i have had enough i want to chill
ok that's enough sadposting now i am off to write a mock if youve actually read till here my aplogies
