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I'm awash in a conflict of feelings, so I'm going to be extremely vulnerable for a moment and share my thoughts.
I'm *really* struggling with purpose right now. Part of it is how this pandemic has affected my life, but truthfully it is a topic I have fearfully avoided. (1/8)
I'm *really* struggling with purpose right now. Part of it is how this pandemic has affected my life, but truthfully it is a topic I have fearfully avoided. (1/8)
The worst of this feeling is vanity. Doing art feels like wasteful self-indulgence.
The work I'm doing isn't transformative, it isn't helpful. It doesn't elevate consciousness or awareness.
It doesn't protect anything, it doesn't *do* anything but get consumed and forgotten (2/8)
The work I'm doing isn't transformative, it isn't helpful. It doesn't elevate consciousness or awareness.
It doesn't protect anything, it doesn't *do* anything but get consumed and forgotten (2/8)
I have tried sometimes for it to be those things, but I don't think that matters nor that I understand what that would even mean in context of creating it. Besides, ambition isn't an outcome! In my case it is a mask for shortcomings. (3/8)
I want to say that this isn't a critique of taste or an admonishment for liking art or entertainment. I'm truly grateful to those who enjoy my work! I'm truly grateful that I'm able to do my work! And I don't think people need to value-judgment their interests. (4/8)
I just question why I think my perspective has any merit and what purpose it has, right now on earth.
I was told once that it seemed like I was searching for God through my art. Which always struck me as a particularly odd comment given that I paint weird triangles... (5/8)
I was told once that it seemed like I was searching for God through my art. Which always struck me as a particularly odd comment given that I paint weird triangles... (5/8)
But now, thinking on that - there was some truth to it. Maybe not God in the sense I assume they meant it - but my place in the way of things, if and where I fit in.
I outwardly talk about finding your voice and joy but it feels disingenuous if I don't value my own. (6/8)
I outwardly talk about finding your voice and joy but it feels disingenuous if I don't value my own. (6/8)
And the more I do art, the less doing it just because I like to holds weight. It feels aimless. I wonder if the realization I'm having is that my life goals and art goals are incongruous. And if so, where does that leave me - whose whole identity has centered around art? (7/8)
That's all for now I guess. I'll try to end this positively and just say to take care of yourselves and don't forget the miracle that being able to create art really is. Goodnight!
