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I don& #39;t exactly know how my own coping mechanism works. I had talk with mom. A really light one something along with what& #39;s for dinner. Very mundane. Then I had a thought. I think I& #39;m over, or at least that& #39;s the closest suitable terms, my inferiority of my sister 
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No child wants to be compared to their siblings or anyone. In my case it hurts my ego, ngl. I know and acknowledge the fact that she did better in many aspects than me. It makes me feel inferior to her. As a child I threw tantrum a lot bc of it lol yep I& #39;m a brat.
I& #39;m forever grateful for my dad. He doesn& #39;t sugarcoat the fact that I& #39;m lacking compared to her but he uses the most neutral tone and he chooses his words wisely when he told me that. Deep down I know he prefers me choose science related major rather than social politic.
I& #39;m average tho. In hs I have my fair share of average rank. Got remedial class once in awhile. Not a stable straight A& #39;s student lol. Despite that, dad never once raise his voice to me or told me that I& #39;m a disappoinment https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">
He doesn& #39;t pressure me in choosing my major. I& #39;m forever grateful to be in this family. That might have rubbing on me. To my upbringing. I& #39;ve been a lone wolf for the longest I know. Idk how the hell I survive my teens day with it https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤔" title="Thinking face" aria-label="Emoji: Thinking face">?
I don& #39;t have a constant circle up till uni. I keep changing my circle w/o stay in contact once I& #39;m in new environment. What kind of person I am? I& #39;m an egoistic opportunist weirdo lol https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> 1 am thought is a wonder lol. It makes me realize why I put hs as the least thing I want to
remember. Not to the point of me hating it but enough for me to dislike it. Oh, I think I know why I survived my hs. My ignorance https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤓" title="Nerd face" aria-label="Emoji: Nerd face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👌🏻" title="Ok hand (light skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Ok hand (light skin tone)"> Idgaf to what others think of me and just vibbing as I wish. Do I get lonely? Yep, sometimes. Most of the time I keep myself entertained
by clubs, competition and fangirling lol. I don& #39;t think this will be a coherent and comprehensive thread but yeah gonna let it out anyway.
I consider myself as introvert back in hs. When I start joining competition, it might when I& #39;m becoming extrovert. When I stand on the podium and deliver the speech one thing that I had in mind, fuck it whatever it is I& #39;m just gonna do it. I didn& #39;t mingle with the crowd tho.
Unless they approach me first. Somehow as the time goes, I& #39;m getting better at socializing. That& #39;s my breaking point. Sis didn& #39;t going out much. That makes me assume that she has poor social skill. So, I start open up and welcoming people. I feel like I accomplished something.
