Thread by @eemyangi, I don't exactly know how my own coping mechanism works. I had [...]

I don't exactly know how my own coping mechanism works. I had talk with mom. A really light one something along with what's for dinner. Very mundane. Then I had a thought. I think I'm over, or at least that's the closest suitable terms, my inferiority of my sister

No child wants to be compared to their siblings or anyone. In my case it hurts my ego, ngl. I know and acknowledge the fact that she did better in many aspects than me. It makes me feel inferior to her. As a child I threw tantrum a lot bc of it lol yep I'm a brat.

I'm forever grateful for my dad. He doesn't sugarcoat the fact that I'm lacking compared to her but he uses the most neutral tone and he chooses his words wisely when he told me that. Deep down I know he prefers me choose science related major rather than social politic.

I'm average tho. In hs I have my fair share of average rank. Got remedial class once in awhile. Not a stable straight A's student lol. Despite that, dad never once raise his voice to me or told me that I'm a disappoinment

He doesn't pressure me in choosing my major. I'm forever grateful to be in this family. That might have rubbing on me. To my upbringing. I've been a lone wolf for the longest I know. Idk how the hell I survive my teens day with it

?

I don't have a constant circle up till uni. I keep changing my circle w/o stay in contact once I'm in new environment. What kind of person I am? I'm an egoistic opportunist weirdo lol

1 am thought is a wonder lol. It makes me realize why I put hs as the least thing I want to

remember. Not to the point of me hating it but enough for me to dislike it. Oh, I think I know why I survived my hs. My ignorance

Idgaf to what others think of me and just vibbing as I wish. Do I get lonely? Yep, sometimes. Most of the time I keep myself entertained

by clubs, competition and fangirling lol. I don't think this will be a coherent and comprehensive thread but yeah gonna let it out anyway.

I consider myself as introvert back in hs. When I start joining competition, it might when I'm becoming extrovert. When I stand on the podium and deliver the speech one thing that I had in mind, fuck it whatever it is I'm just gonna do it. I didn't mingle with the crowd tho.

Unless they approach me first. Somehow as the time goes, I'm getting better at socializing. That's my breaking point. Sis didn't going out much. That makes me assume that she has poor social skill. So, I start open up and welcoming people. I feel like I accomplished something.

Something I can do better than her. When I'm on my senior year of uni, my parents start give me the talk. They share the household situation. Ah, they slowly see me as an adult, I think. I'm getting aware of my responsibility.

When I began chip in for the living expense that might be why I stopped my inferiority. That mom see that my opinion matters.
lol idk how to end this thread but I'm sure that, mom asked me 'what's for dinner?' today has lighten something on my shoulder and in my heart.

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