For several years, around the month of May, we’ve had what we thought was an amorous Canadian goose singing out back at all hours of the night. It would start honking, and I’d jump out of bed, run out the back door, and make hissing sounds into the darkness to scare it away.

This happened for about 3 years.

During the day we’d see geese flying by or lounging by the lake. During the night, hideous incessant honking. I hated geese. I fantasized about cooking them. I mentioned it to our neighbors but no one heard it. I figured they were deep sleepers.

So the other day, we’re all sitting in the living room, when we hear the oppressive goose. It was incredibly loud, and the sound seemed to be coming from the fireplace. It was still light out so I ran outside.

No goose.

Confused, I went back inside. The hideous honking resumed.

I ran outside again, and this time, I used a lawn chair to peek over our neighbor’s fences.

Still no goose.

Then, I heard it. It was usually silent when I came outside, but I heard it, small and quiet, coming from this metal vent thing that connects with our fireplace.

It was a frog.

For 3 flipping years, around April and May, I’ve been whispering curses at nonexistent geese into the night like a lunatic, while a frog was using our chimney as a megaphone, and filling our home with his amplified croaks at every God-forsaken hour of the night.

But who would have thought a chimney would amplify sound so effectively? I’ve heard of old cathedrals where a single vocalist who sings in the loft can be heard clearly throughout the sanctuary, but this in our chimney is a unique and very unfortunate phenomenon.

No word yet on how to get frogs out of chimneys, what he’s eating in there, how he got in there in the first place, or why he only sings in April and May, but at least I’m no longer running outside in the dead of night to scatter elusive amorous migrating water fowl.