So like. I want to call out from work tomorrow. Losing two people inside a week is just fuckin...harrowing. I've lost people, even friends, but not 2 in a WEEK.

But like with Corona, with states opening back up, is this gonna be our new normal? Losing multiple people w/in days?

I know there are people out there now who have lost whole chunks of their community. I've lost a handful, and no one who was super close. But I still feel...some kinda thing.

I dunno. Like this is the beginning for me? It's hitting the outskirts of my groups & working inward?

I'm just watching the news ripple across my f-list as people are putting up tributes and that's how others are learning it... Reminds me of last January, when we lost John.

Except then, at least, we could have funerals. We could mourn with our community. Now we're mourning alone

I'm scared this is going to be my new normal. Snatches of regular updates amid a flurry of tributes to those we've lost?

I know I've been privileged & sheltered that this is only hitting NOW but

I don't want this. I want anything BUT this. And I am SO MAD at folks who disagree.

I'm...I dunno. Stupidly scared to go to my boss tomorrow and say, "Boss, I wanna take the rest of the week off because two friends in 7 days is too many."

Not cause I think my boss will care. They're lovely.

But it feels like...tempting fate, kinda.

Because what if this is just the beginning of the dominoes? I feel like I should...I dunno. Save this for when I really need it?

It feels stupid to type. I'm not making any sense.

But if I feel this broken losing two people, what happens when that number jumps again?

I've been lucky this far. Of the 80,000 dead, "only" a handful have touched my life. My friend tonight. My little brother's Cub Scout troop leader. Relatives of people I care about.

How much longer can I be lucky for?

Well tonight I'm not feeling so lucky. Bill Toscano/Liam St. Liam, you were a good man and you deserved better than this.

Your memory IS a blessing, even though it hurts a little right now. If there's an afterlife, I hope we can drink together some day & share war stories again