I have a terrible online experience every day since im a reasonable sized artist with a massive anti following. I dont know. They scare the shit out of me. Every time they comment something kind, I feel the threat looming over me.

Dont step out of line. Dont become friends with any of them. Dont follow or like anyone outside of approved boxes. Dont create content for myself. Because now they have a terrible power over me, and my art. And my future. That they will ruin over nothing.

I wish I could be more loud. I wish I could stand up for other artists constantly chased out of the fandom I'm popular in. I wish I didnt have to fear for my personal well being or mental state. Because I'm mentally ill. A call out telling me to kill myself-

Over and over, even with memes or jokes, will quickly push me over the edge I'm already standing too close to. I was tormented and traumatized until I moved away from everything. And even though I physically ran away from it all. It feels like it wont ever-

Go away. It wont ever go away. This is who I am. This is my scaring. This is what trauma has left on me. Years of repeated trauma. And now, free from it, I once again find myself living in fear and shame as if my abusers are looming over me.

This is not normal. These people do not see survivors like me and feel any empathy. I am once again objectified and dehumanized. Left wondering if there is any way out. Any way to be free. Its hard. But im trying. No matter what content I create,

It will be an expression of me. If my trauma makes you sick, makes you uncomfortable or puts you in a bad place - remember thats MY trauma. Thats what I live with in my head every day. And so many proshippers are the same. We dont owe you an explanation. We-

Have the right to exist. We have the right to be happy. We have the right to process the ugly things that happened to us. And so do you. Blame your abuser. Not fictional media. Blame the system that failed you. Not people the system already failed.

Sorry, thats all I wanted to say. I hope antis can find some peace someday, because im sure the hell they live in isnt a kind one even from the inside.

#SupportExAntis