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The Hermione Granger problem:
@SMarsching asked me why providing information can upset people and it& #39;s something I& #39;ve been figuring out myself. I sometimes forget that there& #39;s a difference between providing information and communicating it, so it& #39;s worth reflecting on.
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@SMarsching asked me why providing information can upset people and it& #39;s something I& #39;ve been figuring out myself. I sometimes forget that there& #39;s a difference between providing information and communicating it, so it& #39;s worth reflecting on.
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So for a lot of us ND folk, information is always helpful and having spent a lot of time hoarding information, we always seem to have it at our disposal - hence, providing information = help, right?
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Usually our logic is that with the correct information, people are best equipped to make decisions. The first problem is that most people don& #39;t require all the information to make a decision - sometimes they just make decisions, so they may not find info useful.
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Beyond that, I find the Hermione-Ron-Harry dynamic in the first Potter book kind of illuminating. Ron and Harry see Hermione as bossy and stuck-up because she seems to be telling them what to do. But I think Hermione is a) trying to be helpful b) trying to befriend them.
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Relationship:
The first thing is the nature of their relationship - it& #39;s not till the troll incident that Hermione earns their trust. Neurotypicals tend to be a bit more suspicious of people, and providing information without that trust can imply a lot of things to them.
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The first thing is the nature of their relationship - it& #39;s not till the troll incident that Hermione earns their trust. Neurotypicals tend to be a bit more suspicious of people, and providing information without that trust can imply a lot of things to them.
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Intention:
So if there isn& #39;t trust, people will project intentions onto your reasons for sharing information. Hermione demonstrates two of the common ones: people think you are trying to prove how smart you are or that you are telling them what to do.
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So if there isn& #39;t trust, people will project intentions onto your reasons for sharing information. Hermione demonstrates two of the common ones: people think you are trying to prove how smart you are or that you are telling them what to do.
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Of course, this usually isn& #39;t the case. Providing information for us tends to be just that. My default mindset is always "this is the information, do what you will with it". But most people don& #39;t see it that way.
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If you put various relationships and intentions together, people can see your attempts to provide information in many different ways. I struggle a lot with hierarchies, so when I provide information to superiors, it can be seen as a challenge to their authority.
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It is worth adding that amongst other ND folk, dumping information can be unwelcome too if the person is neither emotionally nor mentally ready for it. We have a tendency to overdo it as well, because that& #39;s how our minds run, so we can overwhelm others if we& #39;re not careful.
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Also, people don& #39;t always need advice or information or solutions. They sometimes need their emotions tended to first. So it& #39;s necessary to identify what the actual need is. So even in the best of situations, information might not actually be what is needed at that moment.
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I also find that sometimes I lose my train of thought and think aloud rather than speak to the person which can also be misinterpreted. To be fair, this is admittedly confusing for them and it& #39;s probably something I need to remind myself not to do.
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Nowadays I& #39;ve started asking myself these questions before I start trying to be helpful:
"What is my relationship with them?"
"How might my intentions be interpreted?"
"Do they need my help?"
"Do they need information or emotional support?"
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"What is my relationship with them?"
"How might my intentions be interpreted?"
"Do they need my help?"
"Do they need information or emotional support?"
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Er I think I also need to start reminding myself that conversations are primarily for communication and not for me to think aloud. I got to admit I always want to help people impulsively (ADHD) but it can backfire if I& #39;m not careful.
THE HERMIONE PROBLEM.
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THE HERMIONE PROBLEM.
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