The Hermione Granger problem:

@SMarsching asked me why providing information can upset people and it's something I've been figuring out myself. I sometimes forget that there's a difference between providing information and communicating it, so it's worth reflecting on.

1/

So for a lot of us ND folk, information is always helpful and having spent a lot of time hoarding information, we always seem to have it at our disposal - hence, providing information = help, right?

2/

Usually our logic is that with the correct information, people are best equipped to make decisions. The first problem is that most people don't require all the information to make a decision - sometimes they just make decisions, so they may not find info useful.

3/

Beyond that, I find the Hermione-Ron-Harry dynamic in the first Potter book kind of illuminating. Ron and Harry see Hermione as bossy and stuck-up because she seems to be telling them what to do. But I think Hermione is a) trying to be helpful b) trying to befriend them.

4/

Relationship:

The first thing is the nature of their relationship - it's not till the troll incident that Hermione earns their trust. Neurotypicals tend to be a bit more suspicious of people, and providing information without that trust can imply a lot of things to them.

5/

Intention:

So if there isn't trust, people will project intentions onto your reasons for sharing information. Hermione demonstrates two of the common ones: people think you are trying to prove how smart you are or that you are telling them what to do.

6/

Of course, this usually isn't the case. Providing information for us tends to be just that. My default mindset is always "this is the information, do what you will with it". But most people don't see it that way.

7/

If you put various relationships and intentions together, people can see your attempts to provide information in many different ways. I struggle a lot with hierarchies, so when I provide information to superiors, it can be seen as a challenge to their authority.

8/

It is worth adding that amongst other ND folk, dumping information can be unwelcome too if the person is neither emotionally nor mentally ready for it. We have a tendency to overdo it as well, because that's how our minds run, so we can overwhelm others if we're not careful.

9/

Also, people don't always need advice or information or solutions. They sometimes need their emotions tended to first. So it's necessary to identify what the actual need is. So even in the best of situations, information might not actually be what is needed at that moment.

10/

I also find that sometimes I lose my train of thought and think aloud rather than speak to the person which can also be misinterpreted. To be fair, this is admittedly confusing for them and it's probably something I need to remind myself not to do.

11/

Nowadays I've started asking myself these questions before I start trying to be helpful:

"What is my relationship with them?"
"How might my intentions be interpreted?"
"Do they need my help?"
"Do they need information or emotional support?"

12/

Er I think I also need to start reminding myself that conversations are primarily for communication and not for me to think aloud. I got to admit I always want to help people impulsively (ADHD) but it can backfire if I'm not careful.

THE HERMIONE PROBLEM.

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