Twitter is the toxic boyfriend that cooks a big ass meal that u don’t even like and doesn’t clean anything afterward. Then it yells at you and tells you you look like a lizard in the morning. Then it farts in your brand new Kia Soul and blames it on the new car smell.

Then it tells you you shouldn’t eat so many Annie’s Mac n cheese. It also has really long toe nails that clack on the floor like big bird on its way to tell you that he broke the toilet but he’ll fix it tomorrow.

So you break up bc u need your sanity and you actually are starting to believe that you look like Dobby. But then one night Twitter bf texts u at 2am saying wyd so here I am on fucking Twitter again