I've been thinking about mistakes lately, especially the part about what we do after we make one.

A thread.

We all make mistakes. Leaders too. It's just more complicated when they do. Their position of power and our expectations of them play a part. Those mistakes often have a disproportionate impact on others, making it even harder. Psychology plays a role too.

Embarrassment often accompanies mistakes. Guilt, regret and shame can set in. This can lead us to avoid acknowledging the mistake. Or, we go in the opposite direction by taking on too much responsibility.

When we avoid our mistake, the guilt only grows, making things harder. It sends the team the unintended message that they don't matter or that we think we're perfect. This breaks trust. Even though it's hard, coming clean is best for the team's well-being and our own.

Being overly responsible is just as bad. Let's say you gave overly harsh feedback. Seeing your mistake and feeling bad, you reel back, say less, become overly nice. They get less growth oriented feedback. As a result their development stagnates.

While our perception might be that leaders avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes, I see the opposite happen even more frequently. Holding on to guilt or other negative emotions can make us be over responsible. It's just as damaging.

During coach training our instructor told us we'd make mistakes, to accept it as a reality. The key was to stay engaged and clean up the mess. That cleaning up the mess was way more important than the mistake we made.
It was fantastic training for leadership.

When you lead people you will make mistakes. When you do, recognize negative feelings like regret, guilt, shame and let them go. Once you do, you'll be much more equipped to clean up the mess effectively.

Accept that as a leader you will make mistakes. It's normal. Just stick around to clean up the mess.

btw, while leadership can make mistakes feel more challenging, the issues and remedies raised in this thread apply to everyone.