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"hey, kitten, come here."
kuroo pats the empty space on his lap. kenma immediately makes his way over, bringing his game with him as usual, but kuroo doesn't seem to mind.
instead, he wraps his arms around kenma's waist, settling his head on kenma's shoulder.
kuroo pats the empty space on his lap. kenma immediately makes his way over, bringing his game with him as usual, but kuroo doesn't seem to mind.
instead, he wraps his arms around kenma's waist, settling his head on kenma's shoulder.
"what are you playing?" he mutters into the soft skin of kenma's neck, his breath tickling kenma and making him shiver.
kenma suddenly can't remember what the hell he was even playing in the first place. and there's a voice in the back of his head, calling his name.
kenma suddenly can't remember what the hell he was even playing in the first place. and there's a voice in the back of his head, calling his name.
"kuro," he says, turning around so kuroo will kiss him. kuroo's lips are soft on his and kenma drags him closer, wanting more. "kuro," he says again, and this time kenma replies.
"kenma," he says, but it's too loud and too... angry? it doesn't sound like it's coming from kuroo.
"kenma," he says, but it's too loud and too... angry? it doesn't sound like it's coming from kuroo.
he glances around frantically, checking to see if another kuroo has somehow manifested in the room. then it comes again. "wake up already, would you?"
wake up? but he's already awake. what is kuroo talking about?
and then he feels his eyelids fluttering open.
wake up? but he's already awake. what is kuroo talking about?
and then he feels his eyelids fluttering open.
he stares up at kuroo's face. kuroo's looking at him with some degree of amusement. "you were supposed to be on your way to class half an hour ago," he says. "you're gonna be late."
he's too close, sitting on the end of kenma's bed. kenma sighs.
it had felt too real this time.
he's too close, sitting on the end of kenma's bed. kenma sighs.
it had felt too real this time.
but, he reminds himself, it's not. kuroo doesn't love him /like that/. he loves kuroo, always will, and therefore he's not going to say anything to him. he doesn't want to make kuroo feel guilty when kuroo doesn't return his feelings.
"i'm going, i'm going," he grumbles.
"i'm going, i'm going," he grumbles.
"you said my name in your sleep," kuroo says, his face stretched into the stupid smirk that kenma both hates and wants to kiss. "were you dreaming about me, huh?"
"i was dreaming about you getting on my nerves and me telling you to stop."
"oh, so the everyday routine."
"i was dreaming about you getting on my nerves and me telling you to stop."
"oh, so the everyday routine."
"basically," kenma says, then fixes him with a flat stare. "i have to get dressed."
"whaat, you're suddenly self-conscious around me? we used to take baths together, y'know - "
"get out, kuro."
"fine, fine," kuroo says, and kenma sags as kuroo finally leaves the room.
"whaat, you're suddenly self-conscious around me? we used to take baths together, y'know - "
"get out, kuro."
"fine, fine," kuroo says, and kenma sags as kuroo finally leaves the room.
of course kuroo wouldn't get why kenma's self-conscious around him. because kuroo doesn't feel the same way he does. he just sees kenma as his best friend that he's known for years and used to take baths with.
of course.
he gets himself dressed with a frown.
of course.
he gets himself dressed with a frown.
maybe, kenma thinks as he walks to class, it's the fact that kuroo is always so close. living with kuroo means kuroo's always around: in the kitchen, cooking something; on the couch, sprawled out like a big cat; in kenma's bedroom, harassing kenma about something.
maybe if he wasn't so close all the time it'd be easier for kenma to move on and stop pining over his stupid best friend. but he can't bring himself to ask kuroo to move out, or to move out himself. he can't handle the thought of not having kuroo around.
so he's at a stalemate. there's nothing he can do but sit and wait and feel the constant aching in his chest, the aching in his chest that only got worse when he saw kuroo get a girlfriend a couple of months ago.
kuroo'd walked into the apartment, beaming from ear to ear.
kuroo'd walked into the apartment, beaming from ear to ear.
"finally got someone to agree to date me," he'd said. "this girl from chem class. we're going to a movie this weekend." he turned his grin on kenma, and kenma hated it, hated himself. kuroo seemed so happy, yet kenma couldn't make himself be happy for him.
"congrats," he'd said.
"congrats," he'd said.
"you finally managed to fool someone into thinking you're cool."
"hey," kuroo'd protested. "i am cool! i am cool, right?"
kenma had snorted and shaken his head as kuroo poked him in the side. he'd hated the way he'd enjoyed it - it meant kuroo was close to him.
"hey," kuroo'd protested. "i am cool! i am cool, right?"
kenma had snorted and shaken his head as kuroo poked him in the side. he'd hated the way he'd enjoyed it - it meant kuroo was close to him.
he'd watched as kuroo had gone out progressively more and more to meet up with her. he'd done his best to be happy for kuroo. kuroo smiled more, especially when he talked about her. he'd been supportive the only way he knew how.
but he couldn't help his relief when they broke up.
but he couldn't help his relief when they broke up.
kuroo had walked in with a look of devastation on his face. kenma had known immediately, had walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him. kuroo hadn't cried. he'd just said, "let's watch a movie together, yeah?" and almost never mentioned her again.
kenma felt better after that, but only slightly. because kuroo dating a girl meant two things: one, that he was into girls and probably straight, and two, that he wasn't in love with kenma, because if he was, what reason would he have to date someone else?
that's what he reminds himself of now as he walks to class. that's what he'll remind himself every day. kuroo doesn't love him. he can't get his hopes up.
he won't.
but, well, at least he has his dreams to keep him company. at least kuroo's his in his dreams.
he won't.
but, well, at least he has his dreams to keep him company. at least kuroo's his in his dreams.
he decides to distance himself, though, or at least try. maybe that'll help him to start the getting over it process.
so when he gets home that night and kuroo asks him to watch a movie, he stops, slightly tempted. but then he reminds himself.
"i can't tonight," he says.
so when he gets home that night and kuroo asks him to watch a movie, he stops, slightly tempted. but then he reminds himself.
"i can't tonight," he says.
"why not?" kuroo asks, turning on his puppy dog eyes, and kenma's almost tempted.
almost.
"i have to study," kenma says. "big test tomorrow."
"what class?"
"communications," kenma lies and then steps into his room, closing the door. he can't shake the feeling of guilt.
almost.
"i have to study," kenma says. "big test tomorrow."
"what class?"
"communications," kenma lies and then steps into his room, closing the door. he can't shake the feeling of guilt.
kuroo asks the next day, and kenma says no again. the third day he also says no.
on the fourth day kuroo doesn't ask. kenma feels sick to his stomach, but he doesn't dare ask either. instead, he gets into his bed and pulls the covers up.
it'll be worth it, he tells himself.
on the fourth day kuroo doesn't ask. kenma feels sick to his stomach, but he doesn't dare ask either. instead, he gets into his bed and pulls the covers up.
it'll be worth it, he tells himself.
