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Namjin: vlogger jin! :]
The video starts with a blooper; a tense looking Jin and his fiancé’s hand on top of a strange device. Three suspenseful seconds pass as they talk and Seokjiancé suddenly shrieked, jerking. A hysteric Jin jumped and slapped the camera off the tripod.
The video starts with a blooper; a tense looking Jin and his fiancé’s hand on top of a strange device. Three suspenseful seconds pass as they talk and Seokjiancé suddenly shrieked, jerking. A hysteric Jin jumped and slapped the camera off the tripod.
/BLEEP/
Part of an AU! Inspired by stephanie soo on youtube and her anonymous fiancé :D https://twitter.com/moonkidjoon/status/1229799882178752512?s=19
“Good morning seokjinnies. Welcome back today’s vlog.” Seokjin greets grimly, way different from his usual cheerful demeanor. “I have devastating news today, a terrible, terrible discovery.”
The camera zooms in as he talked, a slow menacing pace. An edit of transparent thunderstorms crept in and turned the whole screen darker; Jin eyeing the camera with fearful eyes,
“My fiancé is trying to kill me.”
[scratch record sound]
“Okay wait wait, don’t call 911,” Jin says with a laugh, waving a hand in front of his face, the thunderstorms being smacked around out of frame with his movements.
“No Jins are harmed in the making of this video!”
“Okay wait wait, don’t call 911,” Jin says with a laugh, waving a hand in front of his face, the thunderstorms being smacked around out of frame with his movements.
“No Jins are harmed in the making of this video!”
“Look what I bought,” he heaved up a box with a groan, dropping it on the coffee table. The screen wobbles a little from impact. “while browsing through the void we call the internet,” Seokjin finishes.
“Why, yes! A fancy smanchy machine that costs me two,” the screen focuses on his two fingers, smacked repeatedly against his palm, “TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND won.”
(The screen cuts to Jin lying on the sofa, staring at ceiling blankly for a few seconds, hugging a pastel pink pillow. He whispers, “What am I doing with my life.” before cutting back in to the current Jin.)
“It’s a fricking children’s toy!” Seokjin cries out, showing a receipt paper from Lotte Mart. “Two hundred thousand won! What does the kid do for a living? How can a child afford this??”
He threw the paper away, seemingly in distress. “What’s so special about these children? Have they contributed to society? Have they made their impact in humanity? At such young age, buying such expensive toys!”
A voice off screen ventures in, “Hyung… their parents bought it for them.”
A moment of silence. Seokjin seems to be processing this fact.
“Honey?” He relayed in a tone of urgency, “Honey, I don’t think we can afford children—”
“Honey?” He relayed in a tone of urgency, “Honey, I don’t think we can afford children—”
/BLEEP
“Put your hand in the lie detector,” Jin’s voice is wobbly with mischievous laughter.
“Uh huh,” the hand answered, because the owner of said hand is off-screen. “What does it do when it ‘detects’ a lie?”
“Dunno? The catalogue only says ‘punishment for liars’. It’s probably just a tiny shock. Shouldn’t hurt, but if it does, let me know and I’ll call you a little bitch.”
Seokjiancé laughed. “Your one and only bitch, hyung.”
Seokjiancé laughed. “Your one and only bitch, hyung.”
“Love you too, babe,” Jin replies as he straps his fiancé’s hand in.
He then tapes a fake mustache on. A police hat with a small tag labeled ‘ages 7-12’ is perched on top of his head.
He then tapes a fake mustache on. A police hat with a small tag labeled ‘ages 7-12’ is perched on top of his head.
“Did you meet the victim on the night of the murder??” Seokjin questions aggressively, palms slamming on the coffee table. His fake mustache slips off a little, and Seokjiancé’s free hand came into frame to fix it back in place. A finger boops his nose for a good measure.
Seokjin tries to bite it and failed.
“Mmmm. I live in the same house with him, so yes.”
Jin narrowed his eyes at him. He clicks on the toy, and a childish tune plays. “We will see,” he says grimly.
“Mmmm. I live in the same house with him, so yes.”
Jin narrowed his eyes at him. He clicks on the toy, and a childish tune plays. “We will see,” he says grimly.
[Ding!] The machine cheerily confirms.
“So you ARE with Kim Seokjin! Were you with a weapon that night? Any knives, guns, or, I don’t know, a vial of poison?”
“I was not with a weapon… unless you consider take-out chopsticks as one.”
“I was not with a weapon… unless you consider take-out chopsticks as one.”
“Is that so? What will the security camera tell us if we check? What if, during an Eatjin mukbang, while your fiancé is eating happily without knowing anything, you slipped a pill of poison in his drink??”
“I wouldn’t, sir.”
“Defend yourself.”
“Eatjin is a live broadcast with hundreds of thousands of people watching, sir.”
“Defend yourself.”
“Eatjin is a live broadcast with hundreds of thousands of people watching, sir.”
“OH is that so!” Seokjin slapped the table a couple of times. “You denied slipping poison in his drink! Well, we’ll see what the lie detector has to say!” he clicked on the button again, so sure to have it buzz—
[Ding!]
A whisper from Jin, “… wow, that’s awkward.”
A whisper from Jin, “… wow, that’s awkward.”
Seokjiancé muffled a snort, and Jin pouts. “Honey, don’t make fun of my detective career,” he whines.
“Yessir,” the amused person behind the camera says drily.
“Yessir,” the amused person behind the camera says drily.
“You must have uuuh, ah, a hidden—”
“Man, you made a lot of assumptions don’t you.”
Seokjin broke character, throwing his police hat away with a loud laugh. “You killed him! You killed your beautiful fiancé and I am here to discover the truth!”
“Man, you made a lot of assumptions don’t you.”
Seokjin broke character, throwing his police hat away with a loud laugh. “You killed him! You killed your beautiful fiancé and I am here to discover the truth!”
A white dog jumped into the sofa behind Jin, making itself comfy in a nest of pillows and blankets.
“Did you or did you not kill you fiancé?” he insists.
“… I… didn’t?”
“Did you or did you not kill you fiancé?” he insists.
“… I… didn’t?”
“HAH the uncertainty in your voice proves that you are lying,” another click on the toy, “and the truth shall prevail—”
[Ding!], goes the toy.
“Babe,” Seokjin whines. “Let’s just throw this thing awaaaaay, it doesn’t buzz at all,”
[Ding!], goes the toy.
“Babe,” Seokjin whines. “Let’s just throw this thing awaaaaay, it doesn’t buzz at all,”
Seokjiancé is too busy trying not to bust a lung, sound of his laughter so contagious that Jin ended up laughing too, walking over to muffle his fiancé with a pillow.
Through a wobbly-sounding threat (because they are laughing so hard to the point of tears), the camera can only pick up “babe if you don’t shut up I’ll make you regret it later tonight—”
/BLEEP
“Doesn’t mean you didn’t *hire* anyone to do the dirty work for you!” Jin mock-snarls, still not giving up. “Where were you the night of the murder? Where were you the night of May twelfth?”
“I was in my pajamas,”
(The screen flits in for a quick second on Seokjin’s face, him whispering, “cute,”)
“In my studio, working on a song.”
(The screen flits in for a quick second on Seokjin’s face, him whispering, “cute,”)
“In my studio, working on a song.”
“Did anyone saw you in your studio? Are there any witnesses at all?”
“Monie saw me,”
“Monie saw you… monie. Can monie be trusted? Should we put him in the lie detector thing?”
“Monie saw me,”
“Monie saw you… monie. Can monie be trusted? Should we put him in the lie detector thing?”
“Yeah, but I mean—”
“Put his little paw in this thing?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, hyung.”
“Put his little paw in this thing?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, hyung.”
“Sounds like animal abuse, exactly!! I can’t trust anyone who wants to hook up a dog to a lie detector machine! I have my eyes on you, mister Seokjiancé!”
The fiancé behind the camera gapes. “I didn’t agree to put monie here!”
The fiancé behind the camera gapes. “I didn’t agree to put monie here!”
“Reverse psychology? I see what you’re trying to do to me. You won’t get away with this, mister!”
There’s a ‘plap’ sound, probably Seokjiancé slapping his own forehead in defeat. Monie on the couch just licks his nose innocently.
There’s a ‘plap’ sound, probably Seokjiancé slapping his own forehead in defeat. Monie on the couch just licks his nose innocently.
Jin continues. “Here we saw a large sum of cash being withdrawn from your bank account, the night of May tenth! What was that for? A hitman??”
“For my attorney,”
“Aha!! Why would you need an attorney?”
“For my divorce?”
Seokjin gaped like a fish. “Bitch did you just—”
“Aha!! Why would you need an attorney?”
“For my divorce?”
Seokjin gaped like a fish. “Bitch did you just—”
/BLEEP
“This seems personal.”
“It is not. You are guilty, and you just don’t want to admit it.”
“I am an innocent man, sir.”
“It is not. You are guilty, and you just don’t want to admit it.”
“I am an innocent man, sir.”
“Let’s see what the machine has to say.” Jin pushed the button with determination. “Did you, or did you not, kill the most beautiful man in the world, Kim Seokjin?”
“I did not— AAAH!!” the hand jerks back, and Jin, spooked, shrieked also, slapping the camera set on the coffee table off to the ground.
(The screen cuts to an upside-down monie, sprawled asleep, as a cheesy elevator music plays. Big blocky text saying WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK slow-crawled from right to left.)
“Ohmygod babe,” Jin says, out of breath, seemingly very worried, staring off-screen at his fiancé. His hair is a little messy, fake mustache half-peeled off. “Honey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, but it’s so sudden! I was surprised!”
A smug smile, “Would you say that it… shocked you?”
A smug smile, “Would you say that it… shocked you?”
“… okay, that’s a good one, you got me smiling there. But I didn’t consent to be tased! You will be hearing from my attorney.”
The smug smile fell away, replaced by a serious voice. “Billy? Officer Billy, delete the recording of this interrogation. Nothing happened here.”
The smug smile fell away, replaced by a serious voice. “Billy? Officer Billy, delete the recording of this interrogation. Nothing happened here.”
A dramatic music plays, suspenseful beats and a dark filter over the screen. It glitches, in and out of focus, then fizzes out to black.
Two seconds later, Seokjin is sitting on the sofa with Monie asleep on his lap for his usual outro.
Two seconds later, Seokjin is sitting on the sofa with Monie asleep on his lap for his usual outro.
“Okay everyone,” Jin says, all happy smiles and hamster cheeks, “Thank you so so much for watching this mess of a vlog! I’m uploading my mukbang video tomorrow as always, and I’ll see you all on my next video. Bye-bye!”
/BLEEP
(A bonus reel plays at the end of the video) :
“Honey, honey, put your hand back in here.”
Seokjiancé plays along, letting Jin strap his hand back into the toy.
Seokjiancé plays along, letting Jin strap his hand back into the toy.
“You will be let out free,” Seokjin declares generously, like a kind-hearted officer that he is. He clicks on the toy, and the annoying childish tune plays again. “As long as you answer one last question from me. Do you love him, your fiancé?”
“I do.” The voice is painfully tender. It is probably said with a shy smile and helplessly adoring eyes.
“He’s a dumbass, but. With all of my heart, I really am in love with him.”
“He’s a dumbass, but. With all of my heart, I really am in love with him.”
[Ding!]
Seokjin’s mustache peeled off by itself, falling to the coffee table with a sad ‘pat’. He stares off-screen, eyes glassy and pouting up a storm. “… now I’m emotional. You can’t do this to me.”
“I just did, officer.”
“I just did, officer.”
Jin groans, hands covering his face. “You guys can’t see him but he’s all red and grinning like an idiot; I hate him, I’m opening an application for a new fiancé.” Seokjin says, red, in love, and also grinning like an idiot.
I hope this thread made you smile hehe (ㅅ´ ˘ `) thank you for reading
http://curiouscat.me/moonkiddie
