I've tried to build a reputation here for being open and honest.

As such, this is one of the hardest threads I've had to write. But here goes.

I had a slip, a few days ago. First things first - I'm okay. Strong now, even.

But it's important to share it, to prevent another.

Many of you will remember this piece I wrote in November.

I'm proud of it. It still rings true. Our movement gave me a catalyst for change.

But after recent events, I realise now that I didn't prepare for the aftermath. https://medium.com/@chrishenrysw1969/jeremy-corbyn-kinda-saved-my-life-c69358479cb8

Since December, I've been slowly slipping backwards without realising it. At one point last year, I called our movement my "higher power", and I meant it. What I didn't plan for was what might happen if that movement fractured.

My sobriety was built on a house of sand.

The past few weeks have been difficult. The pandemic. Being back on Universal Credit. Forcing myself into lockdown to protect those close to me. People close to me getting Covid-19. And also, a personal, political existential crisis.

Something had to give.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a fantastic family who understand me. After my slip was over, I immediately spoke to them and told them what had happened.

And when I explained to them, what I'm explaining to you now, they were satisfied that I was working through it.

I'm also graced with fantastic comrades who I was able to speak to privately and discuss the same issues. In many respects, our movement is important to my own mental health and sobriety.

But I have come to realise that it cannot be the cornerstone of that sobriety.

Politics change with the seasons. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. And this is no way to maintain sobriety. To do that, you need permanency. Something solid, that cannot be stripped from you.

So now, I'm looking at how I can achieve that. I already have a lot of ideas, and I'll share those with you all down the line.

On the 4th of June, I would have been forty months sober. It's obviously disappointing that I won't be able to celebrate that milestone. But it would be wrong for me to simply throw the previous 39 months in the bin.

What happens now is up to me and how I decide to move forward.

I write this now from a position of strength. And perhaps more clarity than I have since we lost in December.

I feel calmer now, but stronger again. Bloody tough, even.

And if I can put into place the things that I need, then I will grow a little more as a person and hopefully, be an even stronger and more coherent voice politically.

Finishing up, I've written this thread for two reasons.

One, because I feel it's important for me to be honest with you all on this specific issue. I've spoken of my addiction often. And I felt I would never drink again. I feel that way now.

But it is important - so important - to never get complacent and understand that it can always, ALWAYS trick you back.

Complacency is a dangerous thing for an addict.

And secondly - it's a very difficult time. Many like me, and others in other ways, will slip during it. That's not meant to be an excuse to do so, because trust me - it isn't worth it.

I wish I had seen what I do now beforehand, and if I had been less complacent, I wouldn't have ended up slipping in the first place.

But if it does happen, then ALL IS NOT LOST. Pick yourself up, learn, and go again.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I'm back on track now, and I intend to stay that way.

I'd rather bring you all good news stories than this. And I don't see any reason why I won't, if I do what I need to do.