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the conversation around AJK escalated quickly and I think that reflects the realities of living inside traumatized communities. I'm not good at de-escalating conflict (in fact, I often escalate it) but I do try to work at repair and have space for mess, difficulty, and struggle.
I also try to reflect on when my own behavior hasn't aligned with my values and while I stand by my original engagement with AJK, I should have given her more space to come into the conversation as she needed to and extended her more good faith than I did.
I witnessed a dynamic that felt uncomfortable to me emerge with local trans folks in our shared community and I stepped in + spoke up when I felt several trans folks in our shared local community weren't being heard.
unfortunately, that escalated those conversations into a much wider community dialogue and AJK took whatever steps she felt were necessary for her personal wellbeing. I don't think she should be "canceled" or that she should stop her work as an ally.
I recognize that cis allyship is important and from what folks have said, it sounds like she's done good work on that front. I still think there is an uncomfortable dynamic and power imbalance, but I also recongize that isn't her fault.
I do think that all allies need to be listen to folks from the communities they are advocating for and I think it has been unhelpful how folks have continued escalate the original discussion, but I also recongize that she is important to many folks and people react in conflict.
There were many balanced and useful threads from other trans folks and cis allies that explored those dynamics further and I am glad that those conversations occurred. I agree that it's unfortunate and I wish I had less of an emotional reaction during the escalation.
so for calling AJK a "karen" and not extending her more good faith in her response, I apologize and recognize that my response didn't help the dialouge progress in a constructive way. one of my greatest flaws as a person is how I manage conflict, especially when I'm triggered.
and I was very triggered yesterday, mostly from seeing trans folks that I've organized with and who are struggling + precarious feel that their voices didn't matter and they weren't being heard. that feeling only intensified as the dogpile spread.
the ongoing hurt of witnessing public trans women advocates in Toronto that I love and admire die or suffer tremendously for their work is certainly another reason why I reacted as I did but again, I wish I had a less escalating approach and I'm sorry for that.
I think these discussions and this kind of personal advocacy is challenging, painful, and demands a great deal of us. None of us are perfect and we all mess up. Facing that and working to transform those dynamics in ourselves is important.
I hope AJK returns to the advocacy work that she loves doing and I hope relationships in her local community can be repaired, but that's not my work to do and she has the right to decide what she is capable of.
conflict is natural, discussions of privilege/power threaten ppl's core beliefs about themselves, and it is *very challenging* to do this work well under the current circumstances. I think the best thing right now is for everyone in this discourse to pause and let us work it out.
when and if she is able to talk about this or engage in repair, I'm here for it. and I have space for her not to as well. no one owes anyone else their emotional vulnerability. we are a struggling community in danger and this reflects that reality 
