Absent Fatherhood is a serious social challenge in Botswana. It has been observed so much that there was a time a small narrative was created to ‘explain’ this absence to children.‘Rraago o gatilwe ke terena’ loosely ‘Your father has been hit by a train’ Franco even sang about it

One of the dominant discourses is that men who CHOOSE to abandon children do so because they themselves never had positive childhood experiences with their fathers. Children do observe and encode behaviours from their models, then r likely to imitate that behaviour as adults

I always think the reasoning is bleh, cos many women also don’t grow with fathers, but abandoning children is not easy for them. There is often a belief that mothers are the primary parent, and men can be part-time parents, and this makes it easier for them to CHOOSE to abandon.

E.g You can hear us saying ‘He is babysitting his kid’.
He is not. He is parenting.
Recently, Hon Boko called out Hon Peggy and tied her role to ‘You are a mother’ blah. Yet men in Parli take decisions affecting children and nobody sees them as fathers first (The part time)

Sometimes accountability from men is evaded by saying ‘But nobody taught them how to be fathers’. Sure. But remember the Nuclear family has never been the dominant pattern of family life in Botswana. Biological fathers though absent, social fathers always existed.

Financial difficulties, and a general unpreparedness are also used a justification for running away. Sure. But this speaks volumes about how fatherhood is tied to financial provision. ‘If i cannot provide money, then i can leave’. How about the emotional,& psychological bond?

I do not dispute that people mess each other up in intimate relationships. Yep! Women hurt men, men hurt women. Mara why would men extend the resentment, pain and anger unto the poor child by abandoning them completely. Go nyelela hela and never be seen?

I really think our generation needs to do better because this thing affects children. They transition to adulthood with a sense of loss, and sometimes shame. Ka 2020 hela you cannot CHOOSE to run away from your child then come hahaha with us here on Twitter. Please. Be serious

Nobody is saying get back with the mother and do honeymoon stuff.
No.
And if the mother is giving you issues of access, you are protected by the law.
But you cannot choose to abandon your child a je matsogo a dijesi while you make it rain at Cigar every weekend. Please.