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I want to talk about the term valid a little bit and why we (marginalized identities) throw it around so much.
We, the non allocishetnormatively inclined, spend a lot of our lives inundated in a culture (however arguably designed thus) that constantly holds up the example of Proper Behavior that we are expected to kowtow to and reinforce.
Other options are invalid.
Other options are invalid.
That input is not recognized.
Please choose from the options listed.
Nothing else will be accepted at this time...or ever.
Please choose from the options listed.
Nothing else will be accepted at this time...or ever.
At worst, this is violently underlined by those close to us, that aberration will not be tolerated.
Or it's a silent shame of having the questions and no one to turn to, to be safe, to be heard.
Or it's a silent shame of having the questions and no one to turn to, to be safe, to be heard.
At best, we are taught by people who have run the gauntlet again and again that there is no one true way, but if we step off the approved path, our way will be hard.
Very hard.
Very hard.
Take some time looking up numbers and stories on our life expectancy, the violence we receive for merely existing in truth, the bigotry we endure to satisfy basic living requirements and health needs.
There is a constant pressure chorus from society letting us know that we, just in our very being, are doing A Wrong.
For things that harm no one. For things that make us feel better and good and real.
Every day someone is able to shake off the mass hypnosis and say Wait... I'm more, other, not those.
And the first message they need to here is "Yes, good, that is Ok and Real and, yes, so very very Valid."
And the first message they need to here is "Yes, good, that is Ok and Real and, yes, so very very Valid."
So valid. To not feel comfortable in two very constrained and highly regulated boxes.
Valid and understandable.
Valid and understandable.
Our refrains of "Valid and loved as you are" hum stalwart but lack the hegemonic accompaniment of "our way or misery."
So we beat that drum. And scream at each other as hard as we can "you're valid despite"...
Despite the omnipresent world on your shoulders saying you're not.
Despite the omnipresent world on your shoulders saying you're not.
If you are allocishet and rolling your eyes at "valid", stop. Rethink. It's not about you.
It's about a struggle you have no real grasp of and your opinion on this is unnecessary and likely harmful.
It's about a struggle you have no real grasp of and your opinion on this is unnecessary and likely harmful.
If you're queer and frustrated with valid, I encourage you to recognize that the Greater Queer Conversation happening is a living entity containing a multitude of voices and places along an infinite number of journeys.
You might be at the "well what comes next" phase, but not all are.
Some people need that affirmation. And that's ok.
We're all valid and struggling. We're here and real and doing the best we can.
Some people need that affirmation. And that's ok.
We're all valid and struggling. We're here and real and doing the best we can.
