I've been feeling that *something* is out of place for a few days. That *something* isn't *where* it should be. And now I feel that what is out of place is me:
There's this continuous history I have of moving countries. There's the feeling of not having any - physical - connection to the place I live in.
There's the feeling that I'm ̶l̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶ existing *in* borrowed (physical) spaces. And that that is why I retreat to the internet(!)
I'm in a house where I have only picked out some contents of my room, none of the form. Re-purposing something that isn't *mine* (isn't *I).
I work in an office where I have only picked out some contents of my cubicle, none of the form. Re-purposing something that isn't *mine* (isn't *I).
Cognition flows *outwards* to the environment and mine needs to flow too! But it stays, skin-bound and virtual, because I can't ground it in the materiality around me. It isn't *me*.
This cognition then is *very* concentrated and so I can't *freely* relate to others for fear of overwhelming their systems! Forbidden knowledge and all that
So I exist in a sort of continuous cognitive or energetic detente with everyone around me: cold war, never hot.
I came up with this shell to contain myself, my energy, my cognition. Which is why when it *does* come out it comes out in BURSTS and feels like being on the receiving end of an avalanche. (Cue all the people complaining about me tweeting 100 times a day.)
There isn't a continuous dialogue of free-exchange between me and the environment bout only a stand-off with occasional invasions and retreats.
I think this all follows from the extended mind thesis ( https://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/courses/concepts/clark.html) plus a bit of "phenomenology of energy". Thread sponsored by @neosomaliana who came up with the motivation observation.
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