Thread

Remembering

Today would have been my Mum’s 83rd birthday. She died just over two years ago, at home, as she wanted. I remember the day, and the days that followed. The family discussions, the arrangements, the decisions, the funeral.

The family worked together and our friends gathered round – on the day of the funeral, folk came from hundreds of miles away to be with us. Dad was very ill by then but he was there for the whole day – the service, the burial, greeting friends at the refreshments afterwards.

Mum’s faith and her quiet patience were spoken of and we all remembered and shared. There was warmth in the sadness, comfort in a faith shared, an opportunity to reflect and be together with people who loved us, and who cared about our loss and our sorrow.

So I feel very much, more than I can say, for people who are losing loved ones just now. Grief needs somewhere to go – it cannot simply be absorbed or put away. We have familiar ways of sharing it, of marking these moments of loss. And yet this is curtailed.

The friends who would have gathered round. The solemn day of the funeral itself – the faces all around reminding you that the person you loved was loved and respected by others too. The words of comfort quietly spoken. You are not alone in your loss.

For those who know of grieving friends, be in touch. The formal structure of a funeral made it easier to know what to do and when – but grief observes no formal structure. Make sure those bereaved know you would have been there if you could, and that you are there in spirit still

There are many moments that would have been marked in different ways only a few weeks ago. Sorrows, joys and moments of change in which we would have participated. Do not allow the present limitations to stop you from being in touch with those you would otherwise have gone to see

And if you are facing grief and loss, remember this. The love and respect that would have been shown in person is still there. It remains, in all its warmth, concern and care. And it will still be there when we meet again, face to face, when this is over