Every brown kid has been taught to say a firm no when asked if they want anything to eat or drink when visiting a relative - no matter what, no matter how thirsty or hungry. This is the first of many lessons in how to ignore your needs and put being polite above all else.

Growing up one of my favourite stories to tell was about cousins who had the balls to say “I want a cookie and some coke” when asked. Everyone would gasp when they heard the story. ‘How embarrassing for the parents!’ they’d chime. But in hindsight I wish I’d been as gutsy...

Because if I’d resisted that conditioning as a child, maybe I wouldn’t have grown up feeling shackled by “what will people think/say?” maybe I would have been able to stand up to emotionally abusive relatives and not care about whether doing so would have ‘looked bad’...

So if you’re a grown adult and wondering why you can’t give yourself the love you need or struggle to honour & prioritise your physical and emotional needs, start looking back to when you were first taught that your needs don’t matter. It was probably a long time ago.