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If, following a conflict, your apology or comfort towards someone spends more time discussing what your feelings are, then you’re not doing it to make the other person feel better, you’re doing it to reason with yourself and make yourself feel better
If you spend more time trying to excuse yourself if you spend more time trying to justify how you behaved, you are just trying to absolve yourself of your guilt, and when you feel better about what you’ve done and the other person doesn’t, it’s easy to make them seem in the wrong
Your ‘apology’ does not amount to shit if you spend more time trying to be understood rather than trying to understand the other person
‘Rhi, what is this about?’
A lot of things, between something that happened a few days ago, to things that are years old that I remember I’m still mad about
A lot of things, between something that happened a few days ago, to things that are years old that I remember I’m still mad about
Bottom line, if you’re really truly sorry for what you did, you will ask the person you hurt how they are feeling and how you hurt them so you can do better by them in the future. That’s it.
I can only say this with as much certainty as I am because I used to be the kind of person who desperately wanted the reason for their actions being understood instead of taking the time to accept that, regardless of intention, I hurt people anyways
Tonight, we are introspecting, babe
