Oh my god. Feather mite treatment was an ORDEAL. We waited until the chickens were all asleep, but of course, once a chicken is raising the alarm, nobody stays asleep for long.

Lorge was okay. Buffy tried to peck Shep but missed. Most of the hens, no problem. And then we got to Ninja the rooster.

Ninja screams like a toddler being run over by a steamroller. In a panic, he will melt your earwax.

Now, Ninja runs wildly around the coop until caught, so Kevin is on his hands and knees trying to grab a shrieking rooster, Shep is contemplating their life choices, I am holding the flashlight and shouting encouragement.

And now all the other roosters are awake and trying to shout encouragement.

Lorge is yelling “Hold ‘em, boy, I’mma comin’!” and the Fabulous Houdan Brothers are crowing wildly to each other—“Bro? Bro! BRO! OMG BRO! DO YOU HEAR THAT BRO!”

And then Beamer the border collie, realizing that someone is herding chickens in an unauthorized manner, runs to the open window and begins barking wildly, mostly at Kevin, who is Herding The Chickens Wrong.

Ninja, eventually caught, is dosed and tossed back into the coop. He stops screaming. No one else does.

The Fabulous Houdan Brothers, realizing that Hell has come to Flocktown, attempt to fight back, resulting in Kevin taking a fabulous wing directly to the nose.

And then it was done. Except for Tater Tot. Kevin called her snookums and spoke soothingly to her. She decided to roost on his wrist and did not wish to return to her perch. The perch does not call her snookums.

Nose somewhat worse for wear, bloody but unbowed, Kevin returned to the house. I turned off the flashlight. Shep went to contain the nigh-hysterical collie.

And that is how we treated the flock for feather mites.