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More than half of all children who are sexually abused are
abused by a parent or other relative.
How does one cope with sexual abuse by a family member ?
Coping with Intrafamilial Sexual Abuse.
A thread
More than half of all children who are sexually abused are
abused by a parent or other relative.
How does one cope with sexual abuse by a family member ?
Coping with Intrafamilial Sexual Abuse.
A thread
What is intrafamilial sexual abuse ?
Intrafamilial sexual abuse occurs within the family. In this form of abuse,a family member involves a child in (or exposes a child to) sexual behaviors or activities.
ps: It can take victims weeks, months, to say that they’ve been abused.
Intrafamilial sexual abuse occurs within the family. In this form of abuse,a family member involves a child in (or exposes a child to) sexual behaviors or activities.
ps: It can take victims weeks, months, to say that they’ve been abused.
The “family member” may not be a blood relative, but could be someone who is considered “part of the family,”
such as a godparent or very close friend.
Discovering someone you love and trust has sexually abused your child is extremely stressful and can bring up intense feelings
such as a godparent or very close friend.
Discovering someone you love and trust has sexually abused your child is extremely stressful and can bring up intense feelings
of shock, rage, confusion, denial, disbelief, and guilt. Dealing with these reactions and helping your child recover from the abuse requires time, strength, and support from your extended family, your community, law enforcement, child protection, and mental health services.
A lot of parents in an effort to protect the image, emotions of the child and or family, may resort to keeping the abuse from law enforcement. Although difficult, it is important to notify law enforcement if your child discloses sexual abuse.
When children are abused by adults who are supposed to protect them, their ability to trust and rely on adults may be shattered. Knowing that the abuser is liked or even loved by other family members makes it all the
more difficult for children to tell others about the abuse.
more difficult for children to tell others about the abuse.
Children who have been abused by a family member are more likely to blame themselves for the abuse than those who are abused by someone outside the family unit.This is particularly true of older children, who may be all too aware of the effect disclosing the abuse will have.
As a result, it can take victims of intrafamilial sexual
abuse weeks, months, or longer to let anyone know
they’ve been abused,and even longer to reveal
all the details. Children from homes ,cultures that frown on talking about sex or sexuality may be even more reluctant to tell.
abuse weeks, months, or longer to let anyone know
they’ve been abused,and even longer to reveal
all the details. Children from homes ,cultures that frown on talking about sex or sexuality may be even more reluctant to tell.
After disclosing, children and adolescents who have
been sexually abused by a family member are often
tormented by self doubt, self blame, fear of the abuser,
and distress over what their disclosure has done to the
family.
been sexually abused by a family member are often
tormented by self doubt, self blame, fear of the abuser,
and distress over what their disclosure has done to the
family.
Sometimes, in a desperate attempt to make
everything better in the family, they may change their
story or even deny that the abuse occurred.
Recanting, or “taking back” the disclosure is common
and does not mean that children were lying about the
abuse.
everything better in the family, they may change their
story or even deny that the abuse occurred.
Recanting, or “taking back” the disclosure is common
and does not mean that children were lying about the
abuse.
When the abuse is caused by a family member,
children may feel pressure to recant because of how
the disclosure is affecting the family or because of a
lack of family support.
children may feel pressure to recant because of how
the disclosure is affecting the family or because of a
lack of family support.
In cultures and families that place a high value on female virginity, a girl who has been sexually abused may feel that she has been disgraced and is now “damaged goods” whom no one would want to marry. This can lead to feelings of shame that in turn lead to further secrecy.
Whereas boys who have been sexually abused may experience shame and self-doubt. Boys who have been sexually abused by a male may struggle with a commonly-held misconception that this makes them gay.
Although beliefs are important, it is necessary to focus on the physical and emotional health of your child. Remember that the sexual abuse is not your fault and does not reflect negatively on your family or you as
a parent.
a parent.
Seek guidance from people in your community that you trust, such as religious leaders, medical professionals, or others who will be supportive. Seeking help from a counselor who specializes in child sexual abuse can help your child and your family to cope with what has happened.
Sexual abuse of a child by a trusted adult also puts
tremendous strain on relationships within the family.
Some family members may find it hard to believe the
abuser could do such a thing, and take sides (or feel
pressured to take sides) over who is telling the truth.
tremendous strain on relationships within the family.
Some family members may find it hard to believe the
abuser could do such a thing, and take sides (or feel
pressured to take sides) over who is telling the truth.
Family members may struggle with how to manage
their divided loyalties toward the abuser and the victim.
Even in families that accept that the abuse occurred,
reactions to the abuser may run the from “lock
him up and throw away the key” to “hate the sin but
love the sinner.”
their divided loyalties toward the abuser and the victim.
Even in families that accept that the abuse occurred,
reactions to the abuser may run the from “lock
him up and throw away the key” to “hate the sin but
love the sinner.”
Tensions may arise when different
family members have different opinions about loyalty,
fairness, justice, forgiveness, and responsibility.
As a parent whose child has been abused by a spouse or boyfriend, it can take a great deal of courage to stand up for your child.
family members have different opinions about loyalty,
fairness, justice, forgiveness, and responsibility.
As a parent whose child has been abused by a spouse or boyfriend, it can take a great deal of courage to stand up for your child.
Challenges may include but not limited to :
- Dealing with family members who don’t believe the abuse occurred or who continue to maintain their relationship with the abuser.
-The possibility of economic hardship if you are financially dependent on the abuser.
- Dealing with family members who don’t believe the abuse occurred or who continue to maintain their relationship with the abuser.
-The possibility of economic hardship if you are financially dependent on the abuser.
-loss of friends/acquaintances when they learn your partner is a child abuser
-Making sense of conflicting advice from friends, family, religious leaders who think you should forgive, and child protection and authorities who expect you to end your involvement with the perpetrator
-Making sense of conflicting advice from friends, family, religious leaders who think you should forgive, and child protection and authorities who expect you to end your involvement with the perpetrator
For many mothers, the greatest challenge is dealing with their own reactions to the child’s disclosure.
If your child tells you that he or she has been sexually abused, your response can play a powerful role
in his or her process of healing from the abuse.
If your child tells you that he or she has been sexually abused, your response can play a powerful role
in his or her process of healing from the abuse.
Your initial reactions to the disclosure of sexual abuse by a
family member may include shock, rage, confusion, denial,
and disbelief. If you yourself were a victim of sexual abuse
as a child, the disclosure may stir up even stronger reactions . triggers and confusion.
family member may include shock, rage, confusion, denial,
and disbelief. If you yourself were a victim of sexual abuse
as a child, the disclosure may stir up even stronger reactions . triggers and confusion.
Do not be surprised if you go through a painful period of
doubting your child, particularly if the abuser is someone
you love or depend on, such as a spouse, boyfriend, or
grandparent.
Because the abuser is almost certain to deny
the abuse, you may find yourself confused.
doubting your child, particularly if the abuser is someone
you love or depend on, such as a spouse, boyfriend, or
grandparent.
Because the abuser is almost certain to deny
the abuse, you may find yourself confused.
The difficult position of having to decide which family member is telling the truth, and having to weigh the consequences of believing one over the other.
For many parents, it is relatively easy to believe that abuse
has occurred when the victim is a very young child.
For many parents, it is relatively easy to believe that abuse
has occurred when the victim is a very young child.
But when the victim is an adolescent, many parents find themselves doubting the truth of what their child has told them. Adolescence is a rocky time for parents and children
alike, when tensions run high and tempers flare.
End of Part 1 of Thread.
Part 2 below
alike, when tensions run high and tempers flare.
End of Part 1 of Thread.
Part 2 below
PART 2 . Continued ;
Adolescents who have been sexually abused are more
likely to exhibit the kinds of behavior problems that lead to
tension, resentment, and miscommunication. If your child is an adolescent, you may find yourself wondering if he/she was in some way responsible.
Adolescents who have been sexually abused are more
likely to exhibit the kinds of behavior problems that lead to
tension, resentment, and miscommunication. If your child is an adolescent, you may find yourself wondering if he/she was in some way responsible.
You may wonder whether he/she could have resisted, or question why it took so long to tell you. If your child disclosed the abuse to someone else such as a teacher or friend you may also be dealing with feelings of confusion, anger,and guilt about his or her not confiding in you.
If the abuser is your partner, you may find yourself feeling betrayed, as if your partner and child were “cheating” on you.
As painful as these reactions can be, they are not unusual,working through doubts and fears is critical not only to your child’s recovery, but to your own.
As painful as these reactions can be, they are not unusual,working through doubts and fears is critical not only to your child’s recovery, but to your own.
It is important to remember that power takes many
forms, and that your adolescent may have felt
coerced in ways that were not directly physical.
Don’t let your natural and understandable feelings
of confusion and doubt override the fact that the
perpetrator is always at fault.
forms, and that your adolescent may have felt
coerced in ways that were not directly physical.
Don’t let your natural and understandable feelings
of confusion and doubt override the fact that the
perpetrator is always at fault.
If, in the heat of your own pain and distress, you accuse your adolescent of betrayal instead of acknowledging that your child was the victim, he or she may begin to experience dangerous and potentially damaging self doubt.
This can be particularly devastating if he or she
experienced normal sexual arousal during the abuse,
even though it was unwanted and forced. This is not
unusual and should not be taken as evidence that the
adolescent “wanted” or was seeking out the abuse.
experienced normal sexual arousal during the abuse,
even though it was unwanted and forced. This is not
unusual and should not be taken as evidence that the
adolescent “wanted” or was seeking out the abuse.
If you are struggling with feelings of anger or betrayal
towards your abused child or teen, ask yourself:
“What would it take for me to
1) believe my child,
2) not be angry at my child, and
3) not feel betrayed by my child?
towards your abused child or teen, ask yourself:
“What would it take for me to
1) believe my child,
2) not be angry at my child, and
3) not feel betrayed by my child?
What you need to do with the help of these questions is
1) Believing your child : This means facing the fact that a person you have trusted and loved has betrayed, lied to, and used you and your child.
1) Believing your child : This means facing the fact that a person you have trusted and loved has betrayed, lied to, and used you and your child.
2) Letting go of anger : This means redirecting your anger
away from your child and towards the person who
perpetrated the abuse.
3) Letting go of feeling betrayed means : recognizing
the real source of the betrayal the perpetrator.
away from your child and towards the person who
perpetrated the abuse.
3) Letting go of feeling betrayed means : recognizing
the real source of the betrayal the perpetrator.
To move forward, you need to accept much of what you believed about this person was not true. By letting go of old beliefs, you help your child who has also been betrayed to heal fully.
Remember ,children can recover from abuse, with the help of protective, supportive parents.
Remember ,children can recover from abuse, with the help of protective, supportive parents.
As hard as it may be to report sexual abuse. this is the best thing you can do to help your entire family heal, including the person who perpetrated the abuse.
If you are not sure who to contact, send us a dm or email at thesafespacefoundation@gmail.com
If you are not sure who to contact, send us a dm or email at thesafespacefoundation@gmail.com
Here is a list of mental health care professionals including organizations that support domestic and sexual abuse victims.
Thank you. Please share
Thank you. Please share
Sources
1. Deblinger, E., Stauffer, A.H. (1996). Treating sexually abused children and their non-offending parents: A cognitive behavioral approach. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage
2. Cohen, J.A., Mannarino, A.P., Deblinger, E. (2006).
1. Deblinger, E., Stauffer, A.H. (1996). Treating sexually abused children and their non-offending parents: A cognitive behavioral approach. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage
2. Cohen, J.A., Mannarino, A.P., Deblinger, E. (2006).
Treating trauma and traumatic grief in children and adolescents. New York: Guilford Press.
3. Deblinger, E., Lippmann, J.,Steer, R. (1996). Sexually abused children suffering post traumatic stress symptoms: Initial treatment outcome findings. Child Maltreatment, 1 (4),310-321
3. Deblinger, E., Lippmann, J.,Steer, R. (1996). Sexually abused children suffering post traumatic stress symptoms: Initial treatment outcome findings. Child Maltreatment, 1 (4),310-321
