My BD will always be the villain. He will always be the one who abandoned me and his child until he changed his mind. I’m glad him and I are growing, I’m glad we can be adults, my son will never know the past, BUT I will always fucking hate who he is.

And I will never feel bad for that. He caused damage that will never 100% go away. I will never trust anyone else. We dated for two and a half years then he just left. I don’t just wake up and forget that it happened. Every time I see him, THAT is what I see.

This is why I hate when people tell ME how EYE should heal.

No one else was there when he left. I was. Some days, yes, I miss him. And that’s okay. It’s okay to miss someone who played a huge part in your life.

Healing isn’t linear. There’s no “Get left at 4 weeks pregnant, here’s what to do.” Manual. I had to figure it out while keeping a small human thriving. It’s been hard. I don’t know who I am anymore. But maybe I’ll find her.