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Some quick thoughts on writing trauma. If you have lived a certain kind of abuse or trauma, it's common to work through that in fiction. It helps you feel it and most through it, connecting body to mind using words, and it can also help others process their own trauma. But! 1/
It's quite common to get editorial notes that say something like:
* this isn't how abuse works
* this isn't how someone would react to that abuse
* this doesn't make sense
* but he's so mean!
* why doesn't she do anything?
* why doesn't someone help her?
How to move forward? 2/
* this isn't how abuse works
* this isn't how someone would react to that abuse
* this doesn't make sense
* but he's so mean!
* why doesn't she do anything?
* why doesn't someone help her?
How to move forward? 2/
The first time editorial notes suggested my experience of trauma, as written, wasn't realistic, I was FURIOUS. I wanted to explain, defend. That's a waste of time. Your job is never to defend your story/prose. Your job is to make it work so that it makes sense to the reader. 3/
If someone hasn't lived through a particular trauma, of course they can't fathom it. You must ground their experience. Show the abuser's character & backstory in a way that makes what they do make sense TO THEM. They are lying to themselves, numbing themselves. It's tangled. 4/
It's about context. People do not randomly become abusive in a vacuum. There is either a factor in their past or their present-- or a physiological issue-- causing aberrant behavior. You have to paint a picture of this person that makes abuse seem like their logical conclusion.5/
Abuse is about power, domination. It makes the other person small. It releases other angers, other pressure. It is a pattern, a loop. The abuser lies to themself about why they did it, IF they did it, what makes it ok. The other person *deserves* it. This is all character. 6/
And abuse has typically been happening for a long time, or something has been leading up to it. It's not generally a random thing. So all that has to be shown in your story, as well as why the victim is in that situation and can't leave. The abuser makes sure they can't. 7/
So the victim is stuck in this situation, and they, too, are lying to themselves, because that's the only way to live with abuse. Maybe it won't happen tonight. If I'm good. He really loves me. He's just depressed. I'm stupid, it's my fault. Even smart people think this. 8/
So the victim will have their own playbook, the rules they live by, the stories they tell themself, the dreams they dream of leaving. They are not surprised when the abuse comes. They are waiting for it. They know intimately how it feels. They are waiting for it to end. 9/
If we're talking about sudden trauma, an attack, that's the other side of the coin. The victim is rarely expecting it. They'll fight, flee, or freeze. They will be stunned. They will react in a way consistent with the backstory and personality you've given them. It's unique. 10/
If you're writing fight scenes or abuse and you're able, taking martial arts classes will help ground your story. It's hard to write about being punched in the face if you've never been punched in the face. The shock I felt the first time it happened (while sparring)-- whoa! 11/
And there are little details that survivors will recognize. Someone who's been stalked will prefer their back to the wall in a movie theater. Someone attacked in an alley will not walk in dark alleys. A strangle feels different than a choke. These details matter. 12/
The first time I wrote about the way I was abused as a kid, the editorial notes said it wasn't realistic, and I was furious. This time, I'm looking more closely at the past dynamic and how the victim sorts through it, how she explains it to herself. It's a revelation. 13/
I don't need to tell my editor, "But that's how it happened!" I need to tell her about the lead in, the first time it happened, how the second time was different, when the victim grew accustomed to it, how their relationship changes, how the victim feels about herself now. 14/
It's my job to make it make sense on the page, even if it made no sense to me when I was a kid. It's hard to look deeper into the real dynamics of domestic abuse. That's why we sometimes skim the surface and don't go deep enough, we describe the actions but not the depths. 15/
Most people think they would fight back. They would run away. But the vast majority of people experiencing their first trauma go directly to freeze, at least for a while. And then they feel shame over it. There should be no shame; this is a valid animal response to trauma. 16/
During the trauma, there is often dissociation as the victim separates mind and body. It takes time to bring them back together. Shaking is normal. Bewilderment is normal. Sitting in the shower for hours is normal. Numbness is normal. Buffy-like reactions are fiction. 17/
If you haven't experienced trauma, two great books are The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and In An Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. Do your research about sensitive subjects you haven't experienced. Get sensitivity reads. 18/
If you have lived through a certain trauma and are writing about it in your fiction, be prepared to go to some dark places while writing it. Reliving your trauma is a dangerous loop; you need to be able to move through it, to pull the pieces apart and look at the bones of it. 19/
It's also important to say that some people may say they love their spouse or children but... deeply dislike them. That's what I'm writing now that I have to make seem realistic. My dad didn't like me as a person. Dissecting that on the page is cathartic and also exhausting. 20/
And whether in the case of abuse or trauma, it's common that no one steps in to help. Either because the victim doesn't realize it's abuse or is ashamed of it and hiding it, or because people don't know how to help or are scared to help. 'Not my business' is normalized. 21/
The ultimate rule in your story is that whatever happens has to make sense. You built the architecture, you created the gravity, so it's up to you to show that what's occurring feels inevitable to all involved, that they can't see it happening any other way. That's the key. 22/
And then you have to support what you've built. If a kid gets choked out by their dad, as I did, she won't be wearing a choker necklace. She'll have trouble sleeping. She'll startle when someone drops a book. When she's scared, she won't be able to speak. It all fits together.23/
Because here's the key: Trauma becomes a big part of you. It doesn't go away. Even if you spend years working through it, dealing with your triggers, it's always under the surface. So that has to show in your writing-- and be part of the character arc, probably. 24/
Writing realistic abuse means you have to understand the abuser's point of view, which is the work of a lifetime. You have to understand them so well that you can make the reader believe that the abuse makes sense, in context, to the abuser. That's how you make it real. 25/
Yes, it's hard to write about abuse/trauma you experienced in a way that makes sense to the reader. Is it worth it? It is for me. It helps me move through it. It helps me forgive myself. It might help a reader process their own pain. I owe Clan of the Cave Bear a great debt. 26/
This thread was sparked by a convo I had with Laura Perez on her Legion of Writers podcast, which I'll link to this week when it's up. All of my books seem to include some sort of trauma, but especially my Star Wars books. That was important to me-- to show the WARS part. 27/
If you haven't experienced trauma or abuse, does this mean you should write only happy books with no badness? Nope. That's impossible! But you probably shouldn't write an 'issues' book on an issue you can't grok. Don't dive deep if you're unsure. Choose a different focus. 28/
As you feel out your story, you can choose whether to skim the surface or get really into issues of trauma or abuse. "I had a bad childhood," he said darkly, rubbing scars on his arm. "Don't touch me while I'm asleep." There you go. No tortured deep dive memories needed. 29/
And let me underline that rape or childhood sexual abuse should NEVER be used as a cheap ploy to forward your story/build audience feeling for a character. When I see, "She got raped and now she's a TOUGH GIRL who KICKS ASS," I nope right out. This shit is serious. 30/
You have to remember-- many readers are victims of trauma, abuse, or sexual abuse, and most women have dealt with harassment and assault. These topics are raw nerves, and if you're going to tap on them, you must know what you're doing and show them the respect they deserve. 31/
A story is all about trust. You tell your reader on every page that you can be trusted, that even if chars suffer, they'll eventually triumph, or at least learn a valuable lesson. When you diminish trauma or use abuse as a cheap crutch, you betray your traumatized readers. 32/
You can show *too* much interest in the abuse when writing, which will ping on a traumatized person's radar. I read some opening pages recently that went into SO much detail that I got the idea the writer... really loved watching this guy beat his wife. It was gross. 33/
So if you show abuse on the page in detail, like any other scene shown in detail, it has to matter. The details are there for a reason other than 'because that's what happened'. Why is it important to show this on the page? Do honor to victims. Don't shock for shock's sake. 34/
The writer's job is to meld emotional arc with a logical story, which can be tricky around trauma and abuse. Do your research. Be prepared to dig deep. Expect edits to challenge you, and know that it's your job to make it make sense on the page while honoring victims. Fin. 35/35
