GIMME THE TEXT OF THAT PELOSI BILL NOW

I’m finna lay on the beach and drink Truly and tear every ounce of stupid woke pork in that monstrosity to shreds

OOOOOO LES GO BITCHEZ https://twitter.com/desertazq/status/1260280159539564546?s=21 https://twitter.com/desertazq/status/1260280159539564546

Btw. Cracking Truly number 1.

Nancy easing us into it with food stamp spending, since we’re all gonna be on them:

$3 billion for CNP
$1.1 billion for WIC
$10 billion for SNAP
$150 million for CAP, wonder if that’s a typo and she forgot some zeroes

$1,822,000 for food stamps in the Northern Mariana Islands. They have 12 confirmed cases of Wuhan virus. 2 deaths.

$410,000,000 for the Census Bureau. In 2018, the Census Bureau had 4,285 employees.

So that’s $96,000 per f**king employee.

No bureaucrat left behind!!!

Welp, more money for NOAA, to hand out to fisheries participants.

$100,000,00. This is after the CARES Act already allocated $300,000,000 for this purpose

We just borrowed another $3 trillion to fight this virus, what’s another $100,000,000 to fight.....wife beating.

We need a stimulus package for fighting wife beating because we locked everyone in their homes for two months, and now we need to pay $100,000,00 to fix it. Wow

$50,000,000 for Legal Services Corporation.

Because we all know that criminal defense attorneys are the real heroes fighting this virus.

Hold up I gotta put sunblock on

$35,000,000 for the Treasury bc DO YOU KNOW HOW EXHAUSTING IT IS TO PRINT ALL THIS MONEY

Ohhhhh baby, here comes the state bailouts. $540,000,000,000, so if you’ve overextended yourself on all your state pension programs, Nancy is gonna take care of you.

Even you, Puerto Rico!

And if the state bailout isn’t enough, there’s a local government bailout

$375,000,000,000 for whatever you need!

$3,600,000,000 for election shit, including “Election Resilience Grants”. Or as I like to call them, “Making Dead People Vote Democrat” Grants

LOL, $24,000,000 for the FCC.

FCC employees: 1,688

$14,000 per employee. I’m legit calling this the No Bureaucrat Left Behind Act

$1,500,000,000 for WiFi hotspots and $4,000,000,000 for high speed internet.

I F**KING TOLD YOU GUYS MEMES WOULD DEFEAT CORONAVIRUS AND NANCY PELOSI LISTENED

Only $1,000,000 for OPM? Wow, Nancy hates you guys for some reason. What did you do to her?!

$25 BILLION for the post office. For lost revenue due to coronavirus.

Not the $70 billion they’re always begging for tho, so, progress?

$21,000,000 for Fish and Wildlife to develop an electronic permitting system and list injurious species.

Why the hell not

$10,000,000 for the National Endowment for the Arts

$10,000,000 for the National Endowment for the Humanities

Every. Damned. Time.

Truly number 2

$25,000,000 for migrant and seasonal work programs.

Super important while 30 million+ Americans are unemployed

$100,000,000 for OSHA to hire and train more compliance officers, which will be totally necessary after workplaces across the country have closed their doors or laid down their rigs

TSA emailed me back so I have to take a break from this and bitch about that

$90,000,000,000 for governors to spend on Pre-K and public schools, however they want.

NINETY BILLION, with $30,000,000 that can be reserved just for administering it.

Ah yes, another $10,150,000,000 for universities, colleges, barber schools, whatever.

Because the billions they got from the CARES Act just wasn’t enough

$5,000,000 for The Institute of Museum and Library Sciences, $4,500,000 for the Railroad retirement board.

Is there a formula to all this cash being thrown around or is it just random?

$5,000,000 for the House, which isn’t currently working.

$30,000,000 for the GAO. 3,000 employees, $10,000 apiece! Noice!

LOL remember all those Obamacare navigators that were employing identity-stealing felons?

Pelosi’s new Coronavirus Bill is bringing them back!

We’re gonna start designating some universities as “National Centers Of Excellence in Continuous Pharmaceutical Manufacturing”

Sounds fun

We’re going to force HHS to study “health inequities” by gender, race, socioeconomic, blah blah blah

Wow. We’re creating en entire new woke studies department in HHS to distribute grants and make sure there’s no “inequities”. Of course. Make it rain, money printer.

PENSION FUND BAILOUTS, EVERYBODY!

“and to pay for necessary administrative and operating expenses”

All those gazillionaire pension fund managers ain’t about to miss out on any of their gargantuan fees, nosiree f**king bob!

Oh God. Oh no.

The government is going to create another website. Remember Obamacare’s miltitrillion dollar disaster? Gonna look like child’s play.

Tax lawyers, explain this exclusion for volunteer firefighters and medical responders?

COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER PENSION BAILOUTS ARE BACK!

No journalist left behind!!

Wow. They’re extending all these unemployment benefits to JUNE OF 2021.

What in the flying f**k, nobody’s gonna go back to work

$70 per Acre payouts under the “Soil Health and Income Protection Pilot Program”

Lol amazing

Heh. Wouldn’t be right if there weren’t a special section to shore up the District of Columbia to shore up its cash flow

Whoa. Pelosi wants detailed reports on any technology manufactured in CHINA!!

Is it racist now, @brianstelter?!!!

$25,000,000 to make sure Coronavirus bennies are provided in languages OTHER THAN ENGLISH ARE YOU KIDDING PELOSI

$100,000,000 in Emergency rent assistance. Reckon it’ll go to all the states where lockdowns are extended indefinitely

Student loan relief. Why the hell not. This is a letter to Santa, not Coronavirus bill.

MANDATED DIVERSITY AND INCLUSION REPORTS for federal banking regulators!!!

It’s amazing what your priorities are when you’ve got a $24,000 fridge full of gourmet ice cream, right @SpeakerPelosi?!

Lol banking services for CBD products? Gotta keep all those unemployed locked down folks distracted I guess

THANK THE LAWD WE GONNA MAKE SURE THOSE WOMEN’S BANKS GET THE REPECT THEY DESERVE!

Btw I’m doing this while meal prepping. On the menu today: all this and grilled BBQ chicken. And some veggies

HAHAHAHA I shit you not, Nancy wants to Enhance the Defense Production Act to make sure it prioritizes nationalizing businesses owned by women, minorities, veterans, and the disabled.

Wokify all the things!

Youthbuild programs? Wtf is that?

You know who else had a YouthBuild program?

A New surveillance program for the workplace. Wheeeee!

You won’t have to pay your internet bill anymore bc the provider will be legally prohibited from cutting your service. Lol.

Omfg they’re slipping in rollbacks of T-band reform.

This is incredible

The GROW Act gets in, who wants to explain that one?

I’m kinda tired of this. Gonna go lift.

#DrinkTruly