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Imagining that there were only two types of LotR Girls is reductionist and must not stand. You thought high school lunch table cliques were complicated? Get ready:
(1/?) https://twitter.com/thecut/status/1259839218722971649
(1/?) https://twitter.com/thecut/status/1259839218722971649
Boromir Girls:
You were into the “mature” senior boys with cars who wanted to protect you and lend you their letterman’s jackets. They were mama’s boys with a taste for blondes and a sense of Responsibility that, in retrospect, hid many insecurities.
(2/?)
You were into the “mature” senior boys with cars who wanted to protect you and lend you their letterman’s jackets. They were mama’s boys with a taste for blondes and a sense of Responsibility that, in retrospect, hid many insecurities.
(2/?)
Faramir Girls:
You were into sad-eyed, angsty artists/intellectuals who were gentlemanly but often overlooked in the dating pool for being reserved and Not Cool. They were difficult to approach and couldn’t take a hint. Also, you wanted to be Eowyn—or possibly to date her.
(3/?)
You were into sad-eyed, angsty artists/intellectuals who were gentlemanly but often overlooked in the dating pool for being reserved and Not Cool. They were difficult to approach and couldn’t take a hint. Also, you wanted to be Eowyn—or possibly to date her.
(3/?)
Eomer Girls:
You were into bad boys-lite: leather jacket-wearing, hot-headed, mad at their dads, a bit jocky. But YOU got him; he was just a good-hearted boy who felt misunderstood, overlooked, and anxious about SATs, and who regularly rescued his neighbor’s cat from trees.
(4/?)
You were into bad boys-lite: leather jacket-wearing, hot-headed, mad at their dads, a bit jocky. But YOU got him; he was just a good-hearted boy who felt misunderstood, overlooked, and anxious about SATs, and who regularly rescued his neighbor’s cat from trees.
(4/?)
Frodo Girls:
You were into boys who took themselves seriously and had an air of tragedy about them. He was probably on the debate team, but wasn’t snobby about it and didn’t really enjoy it. He was thoughtful about politics and the teachers loved him. Flight risk, though.
(5/?)
You were into boys who took themselves seriously and had an air of tragedy about them. He was probably on the debate team, but wasn’t snobby about it and didn’t really enjoy it. He was thoughtful about politics and the teachers loved him. Flight risk, though.
(5/?)
Samwise Girls:
You were into the lovable uncle of your friend group—a goofy, slightly geeky guy with lots of female friends. Most of them thought of him as a brother and wouldn’t date him, though. Their loss. He could cook, and single-handedly saved the band bake sale once.
(6/?)
You were into the lovable uncle of your friend group—a goofy, slightly geeky guy with lots of female friends. Most of them thought of him as a brother and wouldn’t date him, though. Their loss. He could cook, and single-handedly saved the band bake sale once.
(6/?)
Merry Girls:
You were into the class clown who was secretly smart and had a good GPA without trying, but was typecast into his role in 3rd grade and never grew out of it. The teachers who have the patience for his smart mouth love him; the rest can’t wait until he graduates
(7/?)
You were into the class clown who was secretly smart and had a good GPA without trying, but was typecast into his role in 3rd grade and never grew out of it. The teachers who have the patience for his smart mouth love him; the rest can’t wait until he graduates
(7/?)
Pippin Girls:
You were into the late bloomer whom nobody noticed until junior year; you had your eye on him before it was cool. He’s a team player who tries too hard to fit in (it gets him in trouble; he can’t turn down a dare), but always has time to help an underclassman.
(8/?)
You were into the late bloomer whom nobody noticed until junior year; you had your eye on him before it was cool. He’s a team player who tries too hard to fit in (it gets him in trouble; he can’t turn down a dare), but always has time to help an underclassman.
(8/?)
Gimli Girls:
You were into the gruff, loud bro with a slightly crude sense of humor who volunteered at the soup kitchen and stayed after class to help the art teacher tidy up. He grew up in a house full of sisters and still doesn’t know what to say to girls, but he tries!
(9/?)
You were into the gruff, loud bro with a slightly crude sense of humor who volunteered at the soup kitchen and stayed after class to help the art teacher tidy up. He grew up in a house full of sisters and still doesn’t know what to say to girls, but he tries!
(9/?)
I’m hearing some calls for ladies, so...
(10/?)
(10/?)
Arwen Girls:
You were into that preppy, perfectly-put together senior who’d been dating the student body president since they were freshmen. Her family had *money,* but she was so gracious you couldn’t even be mad. Great GPA, but not so high that she had to work for it.
(11/?)
You were into that preppy, perfectly-put together senior who’d been dating the student body president since they were freshmen. Her family had *money,* but she was so gracious you couldn’t even be mad. Great GPA, but not so high that she had to work for it.
(11/?)
Eowyn Girls:
You were into the girl who was always one of the guys—sports teams, math team, science club, &c.—but who never quite fit in with them or with the girls. She passionately defended anyone who got picked on. It’s probably how you met; she saved you from a bully.
(12/?)
You were into the girl who was always one of the guys—sports teams, math team, science club, &c.—but who never quite fit in with them or with the girls. She passionately defended anyone who got picked on. It’s probably how you met; she saved you from a bully.
(12/?)
Galadriel Girls:
You were into the painfully hip, artsy feminist whom you were afraid to talk to; she dropped all these casual references to artists you’d never heard of. She was putting together her portfolio for art school or rehearsing for her conservatory audition.
(13/?)
You were into the painfully hip, artsy feminist whom you were afraid to talk to; she dropped all these casual references to artists you’d never heard of. She was putting together her portfolio for art school or rehearsing for her conservatory audition.
(13/?)
Rosie Cotton girls:
You were into the practical, no-nonsense girl-next-door with a gang of unruly brothers whom only she could keep in line (they adore her). She aced home-ec. You dreamt of starting a small business with her; she’d hold the purse-strings and you’d let her.
(14/?)
You were into the practical, no-nonsense girl-next-door with a gang of unruly brothers whom only she could keep in line (they adore her). She aced home-ec. You dreamt of starting a small business with her; she’d hold the purse-strings and you’d let her.
(14/?)
Back to the guys, since there have been some requests...
(15/?)
(15/?)
Theoden Girls:
You’re into the senior football player who’s been benched for the season due to injury. You’ve gotten to know his softer side since; he’s a responsible, upstanding guy who takes care of his many siblings and isn’t quite over his ex. Bit of a temper sometimes
(16/?)
You’re into the senior football player who’s been benched for the season due to injury. You’ve gotten to know his softer side since; he’s a responsible, upstanding guy who takes care of his many siblings and isn’t quite over his ex. Bit of a temper sometimes
(16/?)
Elrond Girls:
You’re into the quietly competent and intense guy with no chill who is simultaneously the best and worst teammate for group projects. You’ll get an A, but he can be exhausting. He’s super protective of his sisters and would probably be the same way with you.
(17/?)
You’re into the quietly competent and intense guy with no chill who is simultaneously the best and worst teammate for group projects. You’ll get an A, but he can be exhausting. He’s super protective of his sisters and would probably be the same way with you.
(17/?)
Celeborn Girls:
You’re into the quiet, floppy-haired guy who plays bass or percussion in an indie band, and is actually by far the best musician among them. He’s mostly vegan and would be a coffee snob if he could afford it. He always sits in the back of the classroom.
(18/?)
You’re into the quiet, floppy-haired guy who plays bass or percussion in an indie band, and is actually by far the best musician among them. He’s mostly vegan and would be a coffee snob if he could afford it. He always sits in the back of the classroom.
(18/?)
Haldir Girls:
You’re into the good-natured hall monitor/volunteer tutor who is a total rule-follower but will look the other way if the younger kids just want to have a bit of fun. He’d run for student council but doesn’t think he stands a chance. Probably plays sports.
(19/?)
You’re into the good-natured hall monitor/volunteer tutor who is a total rule-follower but will look the other way if the younger kids just want to have a bit of fun. He’d run for student council but doesn’t think he stands a chance. Probably plays sports.
(19/?)
Gandalf Girls:
You were into the theater guy with a wicked sense of humor (so much more mature than the scatalogical jokes the other guys made) who miraculously had good grades despite regularly cutting class to work on the sets and lights. Drove a beloved beat-up tin can.
(20/?)
You were into the theater guy with a wicked sense of humor (so much more mature than the scatalogical jokes the other guys made) who miraculously had good grades despite regularly cutting class to work on the sets and lights. Drove a beloved beat-up tin can.
(20/?)
Treebeard Girls:
You were into the hippie stoner who went hiking/rock climbing every weekend. Pacifist, guitar-player (acoustic only), loves smoothies. A+ wilderness survival skills, would take you on a romantic camping trip under the stars, thinks showers are optional.
(21/?)
You were into the hippie stoner who went hiking/rock climbing every weekend. Pacifist, guitar-player (acoustic only), loves smoothies. A+ wilderness survival skills, would take you on a romantic camping trip under the stars, thinks showers are optional.
(21/?)
Tom Bombadil Girls:
You were into the 5th-year who hangs out in the wood shop and is secretly the front man for an indie folk band under a stage name. They’re so close to their big break (or he’d go to college). His girlfriend is in college; she sounds way cooler than you.
(22/?)
You were into the 5th-year who hangs out in the wood shop and is secretly the front man for an indie folk band under a stage name. They’re so close to their big break (or he’d go to college). His girlfriend is in college; she sounds way cooler than you.
(22/?)
Some of you want me to do the original two, so...
(23/?)
(23/?)
Aragorn Girls:
You were into broody, serious, mature boys who probably had Family Issues (unconfirmed, wouldn’t talk about it). He loved his long-distance girlfriend very much, and was gentlemanly but distant with other girls. Had a few good friends, but a bit of a loner.
(24/?)
You were into broody, serious, mature boys who probably had Family Issues (unconfirmed, wouldn’t talk about it). He loved his long-distance girlfriend very much, and was gentlemanly but distant with other girls. Had a few good friends, but a bit of a loner.
(24/?)
Legolas Girls:
You were into the preppy tennis/lacrosse player whose family has a 2nd home in the Hamptons, but who’s secretly a skater boy (not a grungy one). Mischievous, but gets away with it since he keeps his grades up and means well—and his dad’s on the school board.
(25/?)
You were into the preppy tennis/lacrosse player whose family has a 2nd home in the Hamptons, but who’s secretly a skater boy (not a grungy one). Mischievous, but gets away with it since he keeps his grades up and means well—and his dad’s on the school board.
(25/?)
Some of you want some actual bad boys. OK...
(26/?)
(26/?)
Grima Girls:
You were into that mid-20s dude with the nondescript car who was a bit of a creep, but the seniors tolerated him because he bought the beer for their parties. You thought he was way more mature than the guys at school. He told you you weren’t like other girls.
(27/?)
You were into that mid-20s dude with the nondescript car who was a bit of a creep, but the seniors tolerated him because he bought the beer for their parties. You thought he was way more mature than the guys at school. He told you you weren’t like other girls.
(27/?)
Saruman Girls:
You were into that older guy who had disposable income (unlike your peers) and took you to “nice” restaurants. He expounded on how his coworkers didn’t see his brilliance, but you did. You have no idea what he does for a living and are a bit afraid to ask.
(28/?)
You were into that older guy who had disposable income (unlike your peers) and took you to “nice” restaurants. He expounded on how his coworkers didn’t see his brilliance, but you did. You have no idea what he does for a living and are a bit afraid to ask.
(28/?)
Witch King Girls:
You were into that guy you met online gaming. Goes by his handle only, says he’s at your school, won’t meet IRL. 25% chance he’s too cool to be seen with you, 25% he’s desperately uncool & knows it, 25% he’s your brother, 25% he’s 40+ and in another state
(29/?)
You were into that guy you met online gaming. Goes by his handle only, says he’s at your school, won’t meet IRL. 25% chance he’s too cool to be seen with you, 25% he’s desperately uncool & knows it, 25% he’s your brother, 25% he’s 40+ and in another state
(29/?)
You folks want a few more elves, I see. Here you go...
(30/?)
(30/?)
Glorfindel Girls:
You were into the guy the school deemed hottest by consensus—not most folks’ 1st choice, but universally 3rd or 4th. Responsible eldest son, no subtlety at all, holding the football team together in Theoden’s absence. Insists he doesn’t have time to date.
(31/?)
You were into the guy the school deemed hottest by consensus—not most folks’ 1st choice, but universally 3rd or 4th. Responsible eldest son, no subtlety at all, holding the football team together in Theoden’s absence. Insists he doesn’t have time to date.
(31/?)
Thranduil Girls:
You were into the captain of the debate team who runs a tight ship because he’s DYING to win Nationals before he graduates. Likely going to law school. Not as scary as he looks, just intense. Never asks for directions, is annoyingly right most of the time.
(32/?)
You were into the captain of the debate team who runs a tight ship because he’s DYING to win Nationals before he graduates. Likely going to law school. Not as scary as he looks, just intense. Never asks for directions, is annoyingly right most of the time.
(32/?)
