Listen here, attractive people in kitchens casually dropping toxic statements like “5-min prep” and “10-min prep” for your recipes. WHO THE HELL IS PEELING YOUR GARLIC?! I’ve been at it for 45 minutes already and I’m only 6 pods down.

Okay, what exactly is going on with ginger? It looks like a corpse’s fist. There is no way to peel it. This hand has too many knuckles. Any scientific studies that promote eating ginger with the peel? You’ve got like 5 min to hit me up.

Nevermind, I’ve decided it’s too hairy. Skipping ginger. I’ve also forgotten what I’m making, there are five recipe tabs open on my laptop that I can’t touch now because my hands smell like the bylanes of Bandra.

Do you wash onions? Jesus.

Salted raw brinjal cubes as instructed and now they won’t stop sweating. Tried wiping them down. They’re still at it. So am I, tbh.

Quick Q: Why don’t kitchens have ACs?

Raw mushrooms are slimy af. How long do I keep washing them? Recipes should specify this stuff.

Also the stems keep falling off, revealing the dark underbelly of the mushroom world. They all look like meth addicts. Rapidly losing my appetite.

Luv u tamatar. You’re my only friend today

This Asian stir fry is now a vegetable mash. I’d rather eat my own arm. And the last two cheese cubes in my fridge.

“Rather”

Like there’s a choice involved. Devastatingly cute.

Have they discovered a vaccine yet?