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And I& #39;m afraid of sharing opinions because, sometimes it& #39;s just a fear sometimes it happens real, people force me to give arguments just to make my opinion valid and I& #39;m totally afraid of getting into arguments.
Like any interaction with people is exhausting. My whole childhood I& #39;ve been playing alone, in kindergarten and school, because I knew others have their rules that didn& #39;t appeal to me and I knew nobody would like to bend those for me, so I was playing as a dog and its owner alone
At school I would be wandering around the building alone during breaks because I had nothing to do and of course, it was hard for me to make any human interaction. At the age of 7 in the first grade in the first month I& #39;ve been a bully for no reason. I thought this is what you do
at school and that it& #39;s normal. Maybe I took that from movies. It took me few years to calm down but I still have tons of agression under my skin. Every time somebody physically attacks me it kinda gives me a kick and turns me on. It happens like once in 5 years tho
So I& #39;ve became a silent child, at primary school actually bigger than the other kids at my age. Since then till now I have issues with making friends irl. I& #39;ve never opened myself to somebody I& #39;ve met irl, any deeper relationship originated online.
I& #39;ve felt in love a few times but it was one sided love at most of the times. I& #39;ve never felt in love because of their appearance tho. Like, nothing visual can make me feel horny and tbh I feel that like one for two monts and I don& #39;t know if it& #39;s normal or not.
Things that people consider sexy are usually cringy, ridiculous or lazy to me. Like, a giant cock or breast, cunt facing a camera with a dumb giant ass? This is stupid and boring, not sexy. I care about the context and mood, and this is shit.
And back to the topic because it got a bit off now, how am I supposed to make any community around my art alone when I can& #39;t communicate with people at all? I don& #39;t know what I& #39;m doing wrong and I can& #39;t look at it from another point of view.
I& #39;ve noticed that interaction online became hard for me lately. I can& #39;t even be honest to my gf because I don& #39;t want to worry her but i know she might be reading that next morning >.>
