(as told through the nonstop lies of Donald Trump)

Barack Hussein Obama broke the testing equipment over his knee. "We need to make sure the cupboards are bare," he told Michelle. She nodded blackishly in response.
Hillary Clinton called up Bill Gates. "Bill, we globalists failed in our plot to get me into the White House with illegal votes. Any ideas?"

"A virus, madam. A virus you shall have," Gates mewled.
"Comey," said Obama in his original Kenyan accent, "I need you to do me a favor. Whip up some sort of collusion story. Something with… Russia."

"At once, my liege," Comey replied.
At a meeting of the crooked media they prepared a list of fake news stories.

"Then we'll say he's corrupt. And his daughter too."

"Isn't that unethical?"

They all laughed in unison.

Ivanka ran into the Oval Office, her face permanently dewy like a spring flower.


Donald Trump, his hands large, turned to his daughter and only child.
"Father, they have done it. They have… ruined the economy."

"But I was working on a virus cure," Trump said, Bunsen burners and beakers crowding the Resolute desk.
A strong man walked in, tears in his eyes. Very big. Very strong.

"Sir. We must shut down the economy sir."

"Say again."

"Sir. We must shut it down. Sir."
Michelle Obama opened a soda can labeled White Man's Blood.

"We've done it again."

"Yes my love. We have ruined America. Like in 2007."

"We are the true malarkey," said Joe Biden. "The malarkey is us."

They laughed into the night, certain America would never be great again.
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