I’m going to decode Boris’s announcement here in this thread using 35 years of experience dealing with Local Authorities. I know this language let me translate it for you here

Clears Throat;

Now everyone. Hello, it’s me Boris.

Here’s the thing. We leaked a few ideas we had over the past few days to gauge public opinion and we’ve tweaked this here a bit as a result. I’m going to keep this quite vague to gauge your response overnight

Anyway must dash lovvies more will be revealed but it def won’t be revealed or delivered by me that’s for bloody sure

Unroll @threadreaderapp

I’m not going to give you too much detail so that you can’t blame me. Tomorrow we will give you much more detail in a written document but for now I’m going to throw a few things out there and say science a lot in each sentence

I’m going to level with you here. The truth is we are not flattening the curve we are staggering the deaths. I know it’s hard to hear but it is what it is.

Scotland & Ireland have really scuppered what I was going to say & now I’ve had to dilute it. But the truth is Rupert Murdoch & other rich ppl are a bit pissed off with me that’s why tonight I’m going to mention money more than before while I talk about death and a deadly virus

Frankly I don’t give a sh*t I just want to go down in history as the next Churchill and I’ve been working on the accent - Can you tell?

I’ve had to carefully word this announcement and I’ve been VERY careful about how I’ve framed things so that NO ONE can say but you said! We decided to switch to crappy graphics so you couldn’t see my face while I wasn’t being straight with you

We know ppl are staying at home who have been told to work so if they don’t go to work tomorrow they will now be sacked by employers & whilst I’m not saying that per se. I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING. So get to work, walk, cycle or get a magic carpet for all I care frankly but

I know the graphics are sh*t but we had to knock em real quick because the real ones we decided would be political suicide and we are walking a tightrope at the moment with Murdochs media and we have been given our marching orders