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Pain.
He’s familiar with pain.
Pain was a young boy starving on the streets.
Pain was a cart running over his hand.
Pain was having to cut his pinky finger off himself aged 7 to prevent infection.
Pain.
He’s familiar with pain.
Pain was a young boy starving on the streets.
Pain was a cart running over his hand.
Pain was having to cut his pinky finger off himself aged 7 to prevent infection.
Pain was someone who you thought was your closest friend stabbing you in the back.
Pain was fighting off 20 cultivators before managing to activate a talisman.
Pain was dying in an abandoned ditch.
Pain was fighting off 20 cultivators before managing to activate a talisman.
Pain was dying in an abandoned ditch.
Pain was falling in love with someone who you knew would kill you if they knew your identity.
Pain was looking at a white bandage and reminiscing about a pair of beautiful eyes.
Pain was regret.
Pain was fear.
Fear that he would ruin it - ruin everything…
Pain was looking at a white bandage and reminiscing about a pair of beautiful eyes.
Pain was regret.
Pain was fear.
Fear that he would ruin it - ruin everything…
Pain was betrayal.
Pain was a sword point in his stomach and a cold voice.
Pain was hysterical panic.
Pain was regret.
Pain was watching the one person you loved bleeding out from a would you can’t close-
Pain was a sword point in his stomach and a cold voice.
Pain was hysterical panic.
Pain was regret.
Pain was watching the one person you loved bleeding out from a would you can’t close-
Pain was waiting.
Pain was eight years of waiting.
Pain was knowing you failed.
Pain was his arm being severed from his shoulder.
Pain was the last sight of the last candy-
Pain was opening his eyes.
Pain was eight years of waiting.
Pain was knowing you failed.
Pain was his arm being severed from his shoulder.
Pain was the last sight of the last candy-
Pain was opening his eyes.
*********************
Xue Yang blinks.
Is he dreaming? Had he fallen asleep and dreamed the Yiling Patriarch had arrived? Is he lying in one of the coffins?
His hand flies to touch his arm - it& #39;s definitely there.
And he stops.
And he stares.
Xue Yang blinks.
Is he dreaming? Had he fallen asleep and dreamed the Yiling Patriarch had arrived? Is he lying in one of the coffins?
His hand flies to touch his arm - it& #39;s definitely there.
And he stops.
And he stares.
He flexes his hand.
He flexes his fingers and pulls his glove off, throwing it off to the side.
He was definitely dreaming. He had to be dreaming because-
He reaches out and traces his finger over his pinky finger.
He laughs.
He flexes his fingers and pulls his glove off, throwing it off to the side.
He was definitely dreaming. He had to be dreaming because-
He reaches out and traces his finger over his pinky finger.
He laughs.
He laughs and his laughter turns to sobs.
He holds his hand close to his chest and sobs.
He spots the candy in the grass beside him -he must have dropped it. He leans over and gently picks it up before tightening his grip around it.
He closes his eyes.
He wants to wake up.
He holds his hand close to his chest and sobs.
He spots the candy in the grass beside him -he must have dropped it. He leans over and gently picks it up before tightening his grip around it.
He closes his eyes.
He wants to wake up.
Why can’t he wake up?
Tears stream down his face and he buries his face in his legs as he curls up.
And a hand touches his shoulder.
He jerks and moves - years of self preservation have him reaching for a sword that& #39;s not there-
"Xue Yang"
He freezes.
Tears stream down his face and he buries his face in his legs as he curls up.
And a hand touches his shoulder.
He jerks and moves - years of self preservation have him reaching for a sword that& #39;s not there-
"Xue Yang"
He freezes.
He raises his head.
He raises his head and meets a pair of familiar brown eyes and -
He’s not dreaming.
Dreams are nice -
This is a nightmare.
He falls back to his previous position, tears still falling.
“Please- please I can’t…. Don’t make me-”
“Xue Yang..?”
He raises his head and meets a pair of familiar brown eyes and -
He’s not dreaming.
Dreams are nice -
This is a nightmare.
He falls back to his previous position, tears still falling.
“Please- please I can’t…. Don’t make me-”
“Xue Yang..?”
“I want to wake up. Please… please let me go back. I have to… he needs me… I need him…”
The soft (and familiar - oh so familiar…) hand touches his shoulder tentatively and Xue Yang can’t bring himself to recoil from his touch. Even if it was a nightmare… he was here…
The soft (and familiar - oh so familiar…) hand touches his shoulder tentatively and Xue Yang can’t bring himself to recoil from his touch. Even if it was a nightmare… he was here…
The hand squeezes his shoulder and Xue Yang can feel himself relax under the touch of the man he had loved. The hand moves to his hair and his eyes close of their own accord as familiar fingers start to untangle the knots.
“Why him..?” He muses to himself.
“Why him..?” He muses to himself.
The hand in his hair stops.
“Why out of everyone…well actually it makes sense. My biggest regret. You haunt me during the day so i suppose i should have expected you to haunt my dreams as well. Normally though…normally the nightmares with you in them are of a different sort…”
“Why out of everyone…well actually it makes sense. My biggest regret. You haunt me during the day so i suppose i should have expected you to haunt my dreams as well. Normally though…normally the nightmares with you in them are of a different sort…”
“Xue Yang… this isn’t a nightmare. It isn’t a dream.”
He doesn’t open his eyes but he does allow a soft laugh to fall from his lips, even as tears continue to fall.
He doesn’t open his eyes but he does allow a soft laugh to fall from his lips, even as tears continue to fall.
“You would say that-being a figment of my imagination. Of course my subconscious wants to believe this is real that you are-that he is…”he shakes his head.“But look.” He holds up his hand. “My finger… I haven& #39;t had all 10 fingers since i was 7 years old. And Daozhag doesn’t… “
He takes a shaky breath. “You know people say you don& #39;t know what you have until it& #39;s gone? It& #39;s true.”
He opens his eyes. “I need to wake up. I need to go back to i& #39;m. I need to keep trying… Maybe there& #39;s something i haven’t tried yet…”
He opens his eyes. “I need to wake up. I need to go back to i& #39;m. I need to keep trying… Maybe there& #39;s something i haven’t tried yet…”
“Xue Yang, please-”
“Listen to Daozhang you idiot!”
He spins at the sound of another familiar voice. “Little blind? What are you doing in my dreams?”
The girl looks the same as she had always looked, pale eyed and sharp tongued… clutching her pole to her chest.
“Listen to Daozhang you idiot!”
He spins at the sound of another familiar voice. “Little blind? What are you doing in my dreams?”
The girl looks the same as she had always looked, pale eyed and sharp tongued… clutching her pole to her chest.
But not as angry as he remembered. More… sad…
“A-Qing, I asked you to let me handle this-”
She shakes her head at the man beside them before she turns her glare on him. “You’re not asleep you… you…”
“A-Qing!”
“A-Qing, I asked you to let me handle this-”
She shakes her head at the man beside them before she turns her glare on him. “You’re not asleep you… you…”
“A-Qing!”
Xue Yang snickers. “If all my dreams were this fascinating maybe i’d sleep more often - this is much better than the usual…. I mean at least I won& #39;t wake up screaming this time.”
He reaches out reflexively and ruffles A-Qing’s hair even as his eyes fill with tears again.
He reaches out reflexively and ruffles A-Qing’s hair even as his eyes fill with tears again.
“Stupid girl, you know it& #39;s much quieter without you… i never thought i’d miss you yet here we are…”
She stares at him wide eyed and even the figure of his Daozhang is frozen. He laughs through his tears. “Fuck I miss you both so much”
She stares at him wide eyed and even the figure of his Daozhang is frozen. He laughs through his tears. “Fuck I miss you both so much”
He wipes under his eyes and turns his back on them both - it hurts to see them knowing he has to wake up-
“Oh… a new form of nightmare” he muses aloud. “One I don& #39;t want to leave… it& #39;s going to hurt even worse when I wake up”
“Oh… a new form of nightmare” he muses aloud. “One I don& #39;t want to leave… it& #39;s going to hurt even worse when I wake up”
“I’m sorry Xue Yang, but you’re not going to wake up” A hand touches his elbow and gently turns him, forgiving him to meet those eyes…
His memory really hadn’t done them justice. How could a dair of such dark eyes be so bright?
His memory really hadn’t done them justice. How could a dair of such dark eyes be so bright?
He reaches out with his left hand and gently traces his Daozhang’s cheek with a finger.
“I have to wake up. I have to save him. I owe him that much… after everything he deserves to be happy.”
“I have to wake up. I have to save him. I owe him that much… after everything he deserves to be happy.”
“You tried for long enough, it& #39;s time to rest Xue Yang”
He pulls away and shakes his head. “I need to apologize to him. Even if he kills me as soon as he wakes up, I need to bring him back”
He pulls away and shakes his head. “I need to apologize to him. Even if he kills me as soon as he wakes up, I need to bring him back”
He lets his fingers slide from the other man’s face. “I need to tell him it wasn’t all a lie. I need to tell him that I was happy, that I had no intention of ever hurting him or leaving him that I… That I loved - that I love him”
He lets his hand fall and turns away from the two ghosts in his head. “How long have I been asleep? It should be time to wake up shouldn’t it?”
A hand tightens around his wrist and he looks up to see the shade of his Daozhang crying.
"Great even in dreams I manage to hurt you”
A hand tightens around his wrist and he looks up to see the shade of his Daozhang crying.
"Great even in dreams I manage to hurt you”
Another hand moves to cup his face. “I’m sorry I hurt you friend. I’m sorry.”
Xue Yang laughs. “Daozhang has nothing to be sorry for, stupid dream.” His eyes fall to the silently crying girl. “And why are you crying? Huh little blind? What have you to be sad about?”
Xue Yang laughs. “Daozhang has nothing to be sorry for, stupid dream.” His eyes fall to the silently crying girl. “And why are you crying? Huh little blind? What have you to be sad about?”
He pats her head before removing the hand from his wrist. “If it& #39;s worth anything in this stupid dream, and even though i& #39;m probably talking to myself… I’m sorry I killed you. You only went by what you saw little liar, what you knew of me, how I looked, how I treated you…”
He bends down and picks his glove off the floor and slips it into his pocket. His fingers brush over the candy and he pulls it out. “Here little blind, it might be eight years stale but your also a figment of my imagination so i suppose they both cancel eachother out”
“I’m not a figment of your imagination Yang-ge!” He startles as she stomps her foot and yells at him. “I’m dead! Daozhang is dead! You… You’re dead. You died.”
He freezes.
Dead?
(A flash of a sword. His arm falling to the ground.
Pain.)
He freezes.
Dead?
(A flash of a sword. His arm falling to the ground.
Pain.)
He takes a step back. “Don’t be silly little blind. I’m not-”
Pain.
Mo Xuanyu glaring at him- no not Mo Xuanyu… Wei Wuxian. The Yiling Patriarch. And Lan Wangji. And they killed him.
Pain was dying.
Pain was dying.
Pain was-
Pain.
Mo Xuanyu glaring at him- no not Mo Xuanyu… Wei Wuxian. The Yiling Patriarch. And Lan Wangji. And they killed him.
Pain was dying.
Pain was dying.
Pain was-
He pulls his arm free of her grasp and a hysterical laugh escapes him.
“Don& #39;t be silly… It would take something more than-”
He stumbles back a step away from… them… away from the figments of his imagination… from his dream-
“Don& #39;t be silly… It would take something more than-”
He stumbles back a step away from… them… away from the figments of his imagination… from his dream-
A sword piercing his stomach
A hand on his shoulder
A transportation talisman
Dying in a ditch as the seal was taken - taken just how Xingchen had been taken from him-
He shakes his head. “No… No! I’m not dead… I didnt survive all the shit i survuved just to die like that!”
A hand on his shoulder
A transportation talisman
Dying in a ditch as the seal was taken - taken just how Xingchen had been taken from him-
He shakes his head. “No… No! I’m not dead… I didnt survive all the shit i survuved just to die like that!”
