Today someone asked me how being a pastor was hard on me and my family. This is the response I sent him:
1/

You think you're going into the pastorate to help people and save souls, and very quickly you realize you're a social worker, but at any given time half of your congregation hates you. You're told to lead, but then put on a short leash and not allowed to actually lead.
2/

You deal with infighting and conflict constantly. Every church has a version of the Hatfields and McCoys who use the church like their personal kingdom. The smart pastors figure out who they are quickly and either deal with them or placate them.
3/

Over 90% of churches have less than 75 people, so you end up working part time and having another part time job to make ends meet. Most churches are on the verge of not being able to make it, with only a month or two operating budget in the bank. This is stressful.
4/

I say this on repeat: I've never actually known a pastor who was in it for the money - the money is pretty shitty for the amount of education you're expected to have, unless you're one of the crooks on TV with a private jet.
5/

You're expected to grow the church (bring in new people, expand giving, building upgrades, develop leadership) but they really don't want you to change anything or make any of the established people uncomfortable. Just wave your magic pastor wand and do your thing.
6/

The same 3 families have been running the church for 50 years, and you're treated as a hired hand until they tire of you or you can't handle it anymore. You learn by your 3rd church that you're expendable, and you're not really in charge of the church.
7/

When you're fired or fed up enough to leave, taking a new church almost always means uprooting and moving your family, sometimes out of state. You lose an entire social network. New friends, new schools, new house, new neighborhood. It's brutal on kids.
8/

Those people who you counseled, prayed for, laughed with, traveled with, worked alongside, taught, and cried with? All gone. You're expected to be 100% healed and all in on day 1 of your next church. It's not a couple friends you lose, it's EVERYONE.
9/

Social media has made this transition harder. Do you delete your old church members? If you don't, they are going to see you talking about your new church with excitement and be hurt. How do you kids handle losing all their friends and expected to start all over again?
10/

When you do leave a church, they turn on you and gossip and slander you to no end...and you were just trying to love and lead them. If you leave in a scandal (like I did) it's even worse. They feel permission to stalk and haunt you forever.
11/

Then you start over again at a new church, only to realize after a few months it's essentially the same as the last one. By the time you've been in 3-4 churches you can replace names and faces with new names and faces that are essentially the same people as the last church.
12/

Your entire life is under examination. Your marriage has to be perfect always. Your kids behavior. How you dress. What kind of car you drive (not too nice, not too poor, not too new, not too old) what you can drink, watch, think, read...it's all under a magnifying glass.
13/

Pastor's wives (I come from a tradition with only male pastors) face scrutiny unlike other women in the church. They are expected to always be happy, pretty, engaged, mature, the perfect wife, the doting mother, the eager volunteer, and has to play the piano.
14/

On top of that, since 2016, being a pastor in a local congregation is like sitting on a powder keg. Trump has bifurcated most churches, and one half is always angry at you for not "taking a stand" on one issue or another...and that's not the job.
15/

You watch people you love die, even after you've gathered the elders, anointed with oil, and prayed the prayers of faith for their healing. You watch people turn on each other. You see divorce, abuse, depression, addiction...it's overwhelming. You develop PTSD.
16/

It's no wonder the turnover rate for pastors is well under 3 years. A pastor being at a church 5+ years is considered a long tenure.

Being a pastor is being a slave and a slave master at the same time.

17/end