THREAD-
On the day I attended the Army Selection Centre, I was able to spell my name... this exempted me from the Pioneers.

I had also washed shaved and could speak a known language... so Infantry Units were ruled out.

I explained to the Interviewer that as I could mend a puncture on a bicycle, so I was overqualified for the Royal Electrical & Mechanical Engineers.

I had no desire to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft, so the Parachute Regiment was out too.

I knew the name of my father, so the Royal Military Police were also out of the question.

I had turned up with the right kit at the right place at the right time... so the Royal Logistic Corp was pointless.

I disliked the thought of sitting in a metal box with four or more smelly men, playing cards all day, so this ruled me out of the Tankies.

I explained I could boil an egg without burning the water, so Army chef was also out of the question.

He asked me if I liked girls and as I had one or two on the go, I said I did, and he struck me off the Army Air Corps.

I could count to more than five, so no Royal Artillery. As I liked a drink or maybe a lot to drink, the Signals was put to one side, quick smart.

So with a sigh, he duly opened his top drawer and took out a large golden envelope. It was marked "For Issue To The Most Magnificent Bastards Only" and he gave it to me.

There and then I enlisted into Her Majesty`s Corps of Royal Engineers and behold a Sapper was Born! UBIQUE!

The above was and is factually correct.