I have my name in the credits of several games but flinch when I say I’m a gamedev.
I have written for several outlets for money but can’t call myself a writer.
I have a degree in art and sell it but balk at being called an artist.
I sell photos of me but don’t think I’m a model.

I have been self employed for year long stints and recently founded a small business with friends but don’t see myself as a successful adult.
Does impostor syndrome ever go away? Do you ever reach a point as a minority where you realize you’re allowed to feel accomplished?

So many thoughts post yesterday’s therapy session.

The only metric I seem to be missing, If I’m to dig a little deeper, is approval by rich white men (which usually comes with funding and opportunity). Is that why I don’t consider successful? Because I keep pissing off the demographic white supremacy tells me only matters?

So much of our value under capitalism is tied to our ability to be useful to rich White dudes, even if just as entertainment or a way to assuage white guilt via proximity to us. The more I vocally reject this, the less money I make, the less value I have under capitalism.

The balance act is exhausting and being aware of this doesn’t automatically dismantle internalized white supremacy or put food on your table. Navigating how to stay honest to myself and manage survival so I can keep helping myself and others is a lot.

This thread doesn’t have much of a conclusion, I’m just coalescing thoughts together and reflecting on the permanent unease I feel even in “progressive” american spaces.