I have two jobs. One is a writer & the other is way more challenging.

A 24/7 mom.
A 24/7 single-mom.
A 24/7 single-mom to four daughters ages 10, 12, 14, & 18.

I mom hard.

My job is to nurture them & challenge them & protect them & teach them. I supply the everyday... 1/12

encouragement & dry all the tears & lead by example & sleep with one eye open & I’m happy to do it. Being their mom is the best part of my life.

Of all the books on my bookshelf, there aren’t any that give me a road map or step-by-step directions on how to get this right...2/12

& the stakes are high. I do my best but sometimes it feels like my best isn’t good enough.

Lately, I’ve been extremely busy writing for our lives. I’ve been writing to re-build my clientele, to make up for the support we lost due to COVID, to pay rent even if its late... 3/12

& to try to get someone to listen about the harm of elective procedure bans--After all, I want them to still have a mom at the end of this whole debacle. Oftentimes I’m clicking away when they go to bed & still in the same spot when they get up w/ the sun. I have no choice. 4/12

I’m pretty much all they have.

So, in the mom department, I haven’t been feeling my best. My other job-writing-has been the priority. Bedtime has come & gone without kisses. Sometimes I spend my entire day in my yellow writing chair, fingers flying, while they do the... 5/12

cooking & cleaning. Schoolwork has fallen by the wayside.

I don’t think I’d be getting any mom medals right now.

And so I woke up this morning to four young ladies dressed to the nines - the bigs french braided the littles' hair. There was a note by my bed identical...6/12

to the ones I posted next to theirs several months ago (pic) which immediately made me cry. They led me downstairs & along the way, there were banners of “Happy Mothers Day!” & a flower arrangement on the table. The house was spotless & tear-jerking letters & gifts were ... 7/12

waiting on the dining room table.

And I cried so damn hard.

Because I realized, in that moment, exactly what they were doing; they were mothering me. They were caring for me & nurturing me & protecting me. & they had, all without my knowledge, challenged themselves to... 8/12

work together to pull off this massive effort in order to show their support for my effort. The bigs ones taught the little ones & the little ones were willing to learn. The cooperation & task delegation that must have gone into creating all of those banners & procuring...9/12

gifts & coordinating the cleaning effort--all without my knowledge--was no small thing.

So right then, after all the doubts & fears I’d been feeling over the last two weeks, I realized that I must be doing something right & it’s okay when my attn is required elsewhere... 10/12

In fact, it’s good for them. It gives them a chance to step up & practice the skills I’ve been trying to model for them all of these years. They are turning into amazing little women & that’s all I ever wanted... 11/12

I want to send a big Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there. I hope you feel loved & appreciated & mothered today. We all need it...even the moms.

Tomorrow (probably even tonight) I'll be back to work and writing. Right now, I'm enjoying this time with my reasons. 12/12

Here are a few of my favorite stories about being a mom, in honor of Mother's Day.

https://medium.com/s/story/im-the-mom-of-a-profoundly-gifted-daughter-7f69376624f

https://medium.com/@ajkay/when-you-discover-as-an-adult-that-you-might-have-autism-6be5fe3eab60

https://medium.com/@ajkay/the-empty-ing-nest-d6a6e66ec318 https://medium.com/@ajkay/a-letter-to-my-daughter-on-her-18th-birthday-e0ec7eabaeff