Cw child abuse specifically neglect and isolation/
Quarantine has been, well, pretty terrible on its own but it’s also been really hard because the isolation and my PTSD have been working hard to convince that I’m a child in an abusive environment once again

It has been bringing up so many memories and feelings and reminding me how extremely isolated and neglected (and many other things) I was a child. It’s been very hard to cope with all of these things re-emerging on top of dealing with the present which is also terrible and scary

But it has also presented a unique opportunity to get in touch with that child and to learn what needs were not met and to think on how I can meet those needs and comfort that inner child.

There is also the opportunity to see my fear responses more clearly and to leave them behind. For instance. I recently got a pair of platform crocs. I love them. They make the flippy floppy sound. I like the sound but the sound also gives me anxiety. Why?

Oh because I wasn’t allowed to make noise as a kid. I mean beyond talking and playing my music in my room...I wasn’t allowed to yell or play loudly and I was discouraged from being very expressive.

The sound also gives me a lot of anxiety of the “being discovered/ getting in trouble” variety and ohhh does that make sense. So I’m gonna keep wearing these shoes and making an annoying flippy floppy sound with my feet and stop caring because that fear is no longer helpful.

I had a lot more I wanted to say on this subject but my brain is much so maybe I’ll come back to this thread later

Also if anyone ever needs to talk about the isolation and the conditioning and everything that comes from an abusive home environment, there’s not a lot you can say to shock me and I’m here ready to listen https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Purple heart" aria-label="Emoji: Purple heart">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Purple heart" aria-label="Emoji: Purple heart"> you are not a burden if you need to talk to someone and share