Sooo I'm going to tweet about something very near and dear to my heart. Because i barely hear folks talk about it

So yeah it's mother day once again. If you have lost your mother this may be a bad trigger and I'm hoping not to offend anyone but here it goes

From the dawn of time i have HATED MOTHERS DAY more then i have hated any holiday EVER

My biological mother didn't/doesn't give a shit about me..so i already had a fucked up view about mothers.

So I have the mother that adopted me and the mother that raised me since i was 3. who already had 2 bio kids of her own. (they were fairly grown by the time she got me)

I'm not gonna say I don't love my mother because I do. But loving her has been the hardest thing I continue to do every day.

I see people uploading all their happiness and beautiful pictures about how inspiring and motivating their mother has been to them and such

And i cannot relate to this at all. I remember my childhood mixed with some pretty good times..but what i remember the most is being called names ALL THE TIME

From the person that chose to adopt me and promise to love me. Names I'll never call my child. From dumb bitch, to stupid..to fat..to just not good enough..thats how it made me feel.

A lot of my depression was caused by how she treated me. i felt like i had to try to compensate a lot which why I have some of the issues i have now as full grown adult. FOMO..because i was never allowed to go anywhere or do ANYTHING.

Nobody talks about how sometimes Mothers can ruin their daughters. How they continue a cycle of treating black daughters like they are SHIT!

Throughout my entire childhood, teenagehood and adult hood i have been forced and felt obligated to do this dance where i get a card get flowers or whatever and wish my mother a happy mothers day.

I never felt like she deserved it...Still kinda don't. Things have gotten better since my dad passed but it's still just kinda shit..

I have to protect myself from her words and her mouth very often..When i go home to visit i don't stay with her. I visit for a couple hrs may spend the night a few days but no more then 2 because i cant.

I remember getting beat for something my brother did on my fucking birthday. I'll never forget that and how its traumatized me till this day.

I won't forget how she called me names and yelled at the day i graduated from high school because i left my sash at home. I could go on and on about how horrible i remember my mother has been to me.

NEVER being good enough for her..Even till this day. My brother has always been shit and she still loves him more then he loves me.

I wish i had those relationships people have with their mothers..and I always vow...my daughters will never feel how i felt growing up. Wanting to just go awayyyy forever

So I've always wish i could skip mothers day and goin about my business.. Imma still make a post and send money..but shit..its depressing and triggering seeing everyone with their loving mother when I felt like i never had one.

I do hope yall enjoy it though