Last night I had a very difficult, passionate and much needed conversation with a handful of my friends. We talked about mental health, addiction, suicide, the stigma men face within their friend groups, the normalization of substance use in our community at such a young age.

Stories were shared that some of us have never told a soul before, let alone four other people. Tears were shed, voiced were raised, but it remained a respectful discussion of differing opinions, of shared and/or individual experiences.

We hashed out issues within our friend group, struggles us and others are or have faced. We discussed what we see that doesn’t work and can’t continue and what we need to try to do better at. I respect these individuals so much and see none of them as less for what they shared.

We shared what we can do for one another and the rest of our friends to ensure everyone has at least one person they can go to. One person they can share their heart with when it’s heavy, when they’re in pain. I hope they know I can be that person should they so choose.

It broke my heart to hear from men that I care about that they don’t know if they have anyone they can talk to. That their buddies still throw around words like “pussy” when some vulnerability shows. That there’s still SO much stigma in a group they should feel safe in.

There were statements made that “it’s not that easy” to stand up to the stigma, to be the “pussy,” to be uncomfortable and sit in that. I can entirely empathize with that. I’ve been there, I’ve been uncomfortable and shied away from doing or saying what’s right.

I’ve come to learn, though, that I feel far better with myself being the outspoken one, the advocate, that person people maybe don’t like because I have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it. The only way to destigmatize these things is to have these uncomfortable conversations.

To talk about these “taboo” topics and make it so that they’re not so taboo. So our friends know they have a safe space to go to should they need. So our children one day know that it’s okay to experience and talk about the tough shit, and it’s okay to be uncomfortable.

We’ll never be comfortable with these topics, with discussing them openly, if we aren’t first uncomfortable. I know it’s hard, trust me, but we deserve better and our friends, family, children and communities deserve better. All it takes is one person to lead the way.

I’m not saying you’re going to lead a mental health revolution on your own, let’s be real that’s not gonna happen. What you can do is be that example, maybe go against the grain, maybe upset a few people in the process. You can be that person so that maybe others follow suit.

After this conversation, we all hugged and we all told each other we love one another. If you can’t do anything I just talked about in this thread, please at least do this. Embrace those you love and damnit, TELL THEM you love them. They might really need to hear it.