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#growingupugly
this won't just be about glowing up, this is a talk about gender, beauty standards and my experience with it
this won't just be about glowing up, this is a talk about gender, beauty standards and my experience with it
when I was a teenager I had the lowest self esteem, I hated my bone structure, my face, my body hair and my irregular hormones so much
at that time I constantly fantasised abt transitioning into a male and leaned toward a more masculine look short hair, nails and oversized clothes to hide my boobs and curves
that kid at that time wanted to transition so much that it's hard to relate them to how I lookr right now
that kid at that time wanted to transition so much that it's hard to relate them to how I lookr right now
it doesn't mean one bit that I understand my gender now, back then all I wanted to hear from my hormonal checks is that they're wrong enough for me legit transition and back then I even had a conversation with my mom telling her that this might be the cause
(which is what I sincerely hoped) and to my surprise she wasn't dismissive of the thought which gave me hope I didn't have to hate myself if I was a guy is what I thought
I didn't need to care about my look and my narrow hips&wide shoulders which I whole heartedly hated for making me even more ugly
my shoulders accentuated my big boobs and only made things worse for me
my shoulders accentuated my big boobs and only made things worse for me
from teasings at school to street harassment to continues sexual harassment that fucked up my body image
To this day I wonder if I'd still have this dysmorphia if I was a guy, I wouldn't face those things and maybe I wouldn't reject the identity I was given so I won't be nb
To this day I wonder if I'd still have this dysmorphia if I was a guy, I wouldn't face those things and maybe I wouldn't reject the identity I was given so I won't be nb
does that thought even matter? the experience I never had? what if all it took for me not to reject femininity is to not get harassed
or to not get teased about how I looked
is it that simple?
or to not get teased about how I looked
is it that simple?
now I'm feminine presenting more than I was when I identified as a girl, one might say I'm more of a girl than I was before
none of the nb's I saw were like me
they were all androgynous, we shared the same small hips wide shoulders but no curves no big boobs and not much feminine attributes
they were all androgynous, we shared the same small hips wide shoulders but no curves no big boobs and not much feminine attributes
I wish I could show my body for the ones struggling like me to believe in their identity but I can't risk having irls know me and I can't risk having so many people read my story nor am I brave enough to face any criticism about it
I'm so feminine now, it's weird to present like that and ask people not use feminine pronouns for me
I don't know what I want or where I stand
to think I'm the same person wishing they'd cut their own boobs, I'm the same person that felt disgusted if someone lightly brushed them
I don't know what I want or where I stand
to think I'm the same person wishing they'd cut their own boobs, I'm the same person that felt disgusted if someone lightly brushed them
I used to hate my body so so much, well into my adulthood as much and it took& is taking alot of work to accept it but only when I started to I began figuring my identity
I hope this helps anyone wondering or struggling
and if you're not relating I hope it helps you understand and sympathise with what body dysmorphia means
and if you're not relating I hope it helps you understand and sympathise with what body dysmorphia means
