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Alright i guess I'm doing a Gender Feels thread. CW: dysphoria ahead
First of all let's acknowledge that apparently there are only 2 kinds of parents in out society: mothers and fathers. And those widely applied labels come laced with SO many connotations and assumptions and expectations.
MOTHERS are women, female, definitely *supposed* to be nurturing and selfless. Makes less money or is supposed to stay home. (In this economy??? Please.)
Supposed to give up on self care because they're busy wearing themselves down to the bone for their kid(s) & spouse
Supposed to give up on self care because they're busy wearing themselves down to the bone for their kid(s) & spouse
How else did we get "mom jeans" and "women *like* to give up their careers once they have children" and other misogynistic crap like that.
Anyway not the point. Y'all run around thinking mothers present femininely or are capable of bearing children or both
Anyway not the point. Y'all run around thinking mothers present femininely or are capable of bearing children or both
I don't fucking care if I fit into your stupid shitty box. I am not a mother. I am a parent and I almost died giving birth to my child but I'm not a goddamned mother. It doesn't fit. I don't fit. If I don't accept this day I don't get another one where my parenting efforts are
recognized but if I do then I get erased to a degree that gives me really, really bad dysphoria. If I say the label doesn't fit don't fucking argue with me. It does not matter how incorrectly you perceive me or how much you want me to fit into your idea of me. I. Don't. Belong.
And every time someone refuses to see me, insists on labeling me "mother" and "she/her" and dismisses me it reminds me that it doesn't matter what my truth is because everyone else makes assumptions that keep them comfortable.
I love my child and I would die for them but I will never lose myself just because I became a parent. I won't (can't?) give up my career. I won't act like I'm fine and brush it off because you want to insist that actually I am female. I'm NOT. I'm not even a non-binary woman -
I'm just non-binary. And as an enby I get sucked into SO many "women and women lite" spaces that it makes me physically sick and wish I could take off my body. I wish I didn't have to wear this shape in a society that refuses to see past it.
This thread, and threads like it, are how I know I am trans enough. I don't belong where you think I should and you can try all day long to erase me but I refuse. I'm not a mother and I can't pretend to be one for anyone. I'm a parent but I'm not a mother and I'm not a father.
