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Metanoia A THREAD
Indeed I hurt people on purpose because I grew up
Feeling that the only way of showing power and control was by inflicting fear and pain to people, subduing them to obedience, I am so wrong on so many levels.
Indeed I hurt people on purpose because I grew up
Feeling that the only way of showing power and control was by inflicting fear and pain to people, subduing them to obedience, I am so wrong on so many levels.
I grew up in a normal family I have a mother and a father who loves me, their discipline is the classic "palo" I grew up being scolded most of the time,it& #39;s not their fault that I failed to understand the concept of discipline, I thought "palo" = power.
With this mindset I entered school, it was all fun and games until I felt that I want to control the area I am in, so I kept controlling my seatmates by... Hurting them with words,from then on I knew my best asset was my toungue,until I had the other way around...
Grade 5 when my classmates ostracized me be for being too "weird" for them, I quickly learned how painful my words were
I was the lowest of my section A class but I know I can match them, but to be honest instead of changing for good
I became worse.
I was the lowest of my section A class but I know I can match them, but to be honest instead of changing for good
I became worse.
Slowly after grade 5 I built myself up and studied hard
Because of my anger, because of this hatred I fuelled myself to study, at grade 6 - grade 9 I was never lost at top 10
Pride quickly ate me and it gets worse than that.
Because of my anger, because of this hatred I fuelled myself to study, at grade 6 - grade 9 I was never lost at top 10
Pride quickly ate me and it gets worse than that.
Grade 10 I had my first ex I don& #39;t know if she is?I& #39;m not sure, I am a controlling person , I have a dry humor too at this stage in life I& #39;ve come to let go of the anger I had long ago , that& #39;s why I let go of honor positions, I& #39;m not smart, I just forced it.
We broke up because I tend to manipulate the people I want to be with and she knows I manipulated some situations, the second ex was the same I just left with no reason never to talk to her again.
With them gone I now realized i lack the empathy
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It took me 14 damn years to realize how trash I am,
It only gets downhill from here too.
It took me 14 damn years to realize how trash I am,
It only gets downhill from here too.
I met another woman , the woman I am currently in love with for two years, All was good even if the distance looks far, until... My words hurt her just because I am "pikon"
It& #39;s not an excuse to hurt her, but the damage had been done.
It& #39;s not an excuse to hurt her, but the damage had been done.
Up until now, I deeply regret what I did , I should& #39;ve held back, If there& #39;s a chance to kill my self just to heal her I did it
But I kno it only makes worse,I I.. Want to make it up to her but I can& #39;t cause I know how deep was the wound I caused.
But I kno it only makes worse,I I.. Want to make it up to her but I can& #39;t cause I know how deep was the wound I caused.
Then it hit me, IT& #39;S NOT MY PARENT& #39;S FAULT, IT& #39;S NOT MY CLASSMATES NOR MY PASTS! IT was me failing to understand, I thought I am smart but I saw my failure to comprehend that other people have feelings too
That made me dumber than a rock.
That made me dumber than a rock.
To the people I hurt in the past I know my sorry won& #39;t work
I& #39;ll just pray, to the woman I am still in love with
I& #39;ll try to make it up I know I am the worst man you knew, but I can assure you I learned a lot, I know the past cant be fixed but I& #39;ll try for tomorrow.
I& #39;ll just pray, to the woman I am still in love with
I& #39;ll try to make it up I know I am the worst man you knew, but I can assure you I learned a lot, I know the past cant be fixed but I& #39;ll try for tomorrow.
I brewed my anger
And hatred
And I thought things I knew are universally true were actually false, I failed to become a human, I wrote this thread not to pity me but to learn from my errors, do not say a word you& #39;ll know will hurt someone even if they love you deeply.
And hatred
And I thought things I knew are universally true were actually false, I failed to become a human, I wrote this thread not to pity me but to learn from my errors, do not say a word you& #39;ll know will hurt someone even if they love you deeply.
