kilig. it’s a word that no one could ever translate to english but we still like to try. a way to describe it is “that giddy fluttery feeling you get when you see or think about the person you have a crush on” much like the feeling of butterflies in your tummy

isak never felt that. not when he was with sara. not when he kissed random girls at parties. not when he met emma who was certainly beautiful. maybe a a little with jonas but there’s more of confusion, misplaced jealousy, and possessiveness than kilig

he thought he’ll never feel that until he looked across the room and saw a guy. the guy who must be the most beautiful person he’s seen in his short life. he’s got blond hair which looked so effortlessly done despite the fact that it also looks like it took hours to perfect,

he’s got a denim jacket on, his hands on his lap holding what seems to be a green notebook and a pen, with his feet propped up the table in front of him. and that’s when said guy looks straight at him

he never thought he would feel it but that’s exactly the moment he felt his tummy feeling funny. his knees felt weak he’s glad he’s sitting down. he suddenly has to look away. he clutches at his bread and goes on about his day but the flutters dont really go away

the next time it happens it was weird. the guy just handed him the cleanest looking tissue from the trash after pulling out everything from the dispenser. he doesnt know if it’s from the way the guy raised his brows at him or the way he just invited him outside like that or

from the weirdness of the situation. all he knows is the feeling in his stomach doesnt go away even if emma inserted herself in the picture bc he can still feel the tingles where their fingers touched when even passed the joint. or the fact that he now knows his name...even

it keeps happening. it’s like a pavlovian effect his stomach has developed whenever he sees even. he would think he’s just coincidentally feels sick everytime but he’s really not as oblivious as he lets on. he knows why he feels the way he does

so he embraces the feeling. even after knowing that even’s actually far from single (i mean look at him). even after seeing how he’s now making out with his gf and isak, well isak’s making out with emma but all his attention is on even bc even is looking back at him

and the butterflies are back. not bc of emma. no, he’s got a big crush on another guy who’s got a girlfriend, of course. but how could he not when now this same guy who was with his gf just moments ago is making his heart beat triple and the butterflies go haywire inside of him

just bc here, in his kitchen, he swears! he knows! he’s about to be kissed. and he knows he wont be able to refuse this bc as painful as it sounds he doesnt want this feeling to ever go away (but of course the kiss doesnt happen. he’s disappointed but it’s for the best)

but when they actually kiss some time later it’s as he expected and nothing he expected all at the same time. the water suddenly feels comforting around him and he never knew butterflies knew how to hold their breath underwater until now

he feels it when he spends a weekend cuddled to even, talking about yellow curtains and parallel universes...and staying like the way they are forever

he feels it when he gets that first drawing despite the disappointment of not waking up to even beside him

he feels it when he can still smell even on his pillow; when he sees him again in the locker room after days of his absence; when he receives drawing after drawing about parallel universes but radio silence from the even from this universe

when he finally shows up right at his door instead of calling when he said they should talk; when even gets him to say he’s the man of his dreams; when he accidentally got his friends to finally meet even; when even called him “my beautiful”

it’s all these butterflies and then...more. bc suddenly it’s not rainbows and sunshines. suddenly even isnt just someone that’s making him feel these things. he’s also very human

and suddenly the triple beating of his heart and the queazy feeling in his stomach is from him running across of oslo after getting that text

and it mellows down to worry and protectiveness and keeping him safe in the cocoon of his bed. they said minute by minute but he wants nothing more than to spend all those minutes with even in his arms

but it flares back up again bc he finally sees even’s beautiful smile again after days of no sunshine. but it’s back and the butterflies are summoned back out bc the flowers are growing under the beams of the rising sun

it’s been 4 years since the first time he felt the butterflies. it’s been 4 years since he’s been with the only person that ever made him feel that way. but as he looks at him surrounded by the walls of the place they made a home of together...

...he realizes that he’ll always feel this way. the kilig will never go away