Be honest with each other. That means you have to make lots of room for another human animal to show up, with all of the greedy, disappointing desires and flaws (And sights! And sounds! And smells!) that implies. Allow that room for your spouse *and* for yourself. https://twitter.com/crownover/status/1259470098894651395

Encourage each other to tell the truth at every turn, which means you have to learn how to accept the truth, and love the truth, and welcome the truth every single day.

It’s not easy to welcome the truth of another human animal into your life. It’s not easy to be honest even when it’s embarrassing or it makes you feel weak.

Sometimes honesty leads you into the wilderness, and it feels like you might get lost out there, and your spouse might wander off and you might never see them again.

Sometimes being lost is necessary, for two people to feel fully alive together. But two people who are honest but also gentle with each other, who make plenty of space for each other’s desires, tend to grow stronger and more luminous – together and separately.

Your goal is not to become some blended, intertwined, two-headed monster. Your goal is to become even more separate and distinct and independent than you are now, but within the comfort and reassurance and wildly exciting space of your shared love.

To do that, you have to forgive yourself and forgive each other, every day. Because you will screw it up. Marriage is all about screwing it up. Forgive yourselves in advance.

Love and hate live right next door to each other. You never would've chosen your spouse if a tiny bit of anger at who they are weren't embedded in the mix.

Let yourself feel the full range of emotions that live here. Don't be merciless about what's here. Make peace with it. You love and hate yourself, too, remember? Cultivate compassion for all of it.

Finally, buy a gigantic bed, with the very best mattress that you cannot possibly afford.

Actually, buy that bed whether you're married or not.