My mother taught me life's most important lesson by example from the very start: I don't belong to anyone.

I've reflected a lot on what it was that helped me withstand the pressures of Mormonism (& society in general) on girls & buck the trend... getting an advanced degree & remaining childless. The pressure was almost totalizing in my culture.

I was able to find my own path.

It was due to my mom.

She was a SAHM most of my childhood, dropping out of law practice to take care of 4 rugrats. Of course, she was a chronic go-getter so during her time "at home" she also did a million things, incl start her own craft business, run a science newspaper, etc.

But, when I was in 5th grade she went back to work.

This was a excruciatingly difficult transition for young Mormon me. There were times I was waiting for (what seemed like hours) outside of soccer practice, because someone forgot to pick me up.

There were times that I resented babysitting my siblings. There were times I was mad that my dad had to braid my hair in the morning before school.

But, I got used to it relatively quickly & learned a crucial lesson.

My mom didn't belong to us. She didn't belong to my church. She didn't belong to my dad.

My mom followed her own compass & that's how I learned to follow mine.

So, if you're a working mom (like literally all moms are), please don't feel guilty. The tiny people you're raising see you. They will not regret the soccer game you missed when they realize they learned to play an active part of creating their own destiny.

Your children are learning a much more enduring lesson than you could teach by conforming to arbitrary expectations that don't fit you— your mind is your own. Your life is your own. So is theirs.

To quote my mom, Donna Kelly: "Choose to fill your life with as much joy as you can, and make sure you let your kids see your joy. Because they are watching. And soon it will be their turn to choose."