Whenever there are discussions about who gets to be brought into a conversation, I think about the work of Jean Briggs. She passed away a few years ago, but was a colourful academic who did ethnographic and language research with Inuit communities.

Her interviews are great - I highly recommend giving them a listen if you have the time. She sounds like she was a hoot. https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/2263114454

Anyway, she went up to a remote Inuit community and lived there for a year and a half while doing her research. She's a smart person and did very influential research, but the culture gap also led her to completely misunderstand parts of her experience as it happened.

At one point, after some conflict, the folks she was living with (who were looking after her, more or less) started bringing her tea, rather than having her leave her notes and her work to have it with everyone else.

She read this as a kind of caring - as many of us might. But she later came to understand that this was a kind of rejection. They were going to care for her, but "By faithfully bringing me tea every time it was brewed , the others forestalled my coming to drink it with them."

It's natural for all of us to look at the world from our frame, our perspective. But the notion that we have an impartial lens into the world is a pleasant deception. Taking the stories of others seriously lets us into their world, at least a little bit - and that is worth doing.