Happy Mother’s Day!

Every year I’m struck by the complexities of the feelings that this day brings. I know the disappointment of months (years) of negative tests & the pain that comes with the absence of a heartbeat that was there a week ago. The longing, wanting, and praying are unparalleled.

And I’m blessed to know the feeling of joy that comes from a healthy pregnancy & healthy baby cries at the end of it. It always makes me feel a bit guilty that the desires of my heart were realized but for so many they’re not.

I’m also thinking about all of the people who’ve lost their mother this year. Given covid, I assume that’s more than most years. And this year, that group includes my mom & her siblings.

I think about people I know who didn’t grow up with a mom or those that grew up with a mom who wasn’t able to parent or nurture because of her own struggles.

I think about people whose child has died. And especially the ones that I delivered that nearly-unspeakable news to.

I think about women who don’t want children and I am sad and angry that anyone would make them feel less-than for that choice.

I think about adoptees. I imagine that a day like this would be complex for them too. In ways that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I think about their bio mamas and their adopted mamas.

I think about women who don’t have the relationship they’d like with their children. I pray that they will be able to reconnect in the coming year.

There isn’t much point to this thread other than to say that motherhood and womanhood and love and loss and longing and regret are all a part of this day. Sending love to my fellow mamas/women/humans.