Read on Twitter
PETER BLAMES HIMSELF FOR TONY'S DEATH
a thread by me.
a thread by me.
Tony’s death felt like a bad dream. Actually, the entirety of this situation felt like an illusion. From the moment Peter jumped off the god damn bus to help with the invasion to that morning when he’d woken in a cold sweat in a room he didn’t know felt like some elaborate prank+
+Five years. How could he have been gone five fucking years? But he had. Half the universe had.
When Thanos snapped the first time, Peter could feel the tearing of his skin, the way it came apart. He had seen it happen to the Guardians, to Doctor Strange, he knew it was coming,+
When Thanos snapped the first time, Peter could feel the tearing of his skin, the way it came apart. He had seen it happen to the Guardians, to Doctor Strange, he knew it was coming,+
+ he just didn’t expect it to hurt so much. For them it hadn’t taken more than a second but for him it was slow and painful and he was just so full of fear, eyes wide with fear, “I don’t feel so good...”
“I don’t know what’s happening.”
And Tony who had vowed to protect him+
“I don’t know what’s happening.”
And Tony who had vowed to protect him+
+Tony who had promised May he wouldn't let anything happen to him. Tony’s arms wrapped around him and Peter just clung to him, what else was he supposed to do? Nothing. He couldn't do anything but try fight whatever this was, and so that's what he did, Peter clung to him+
+him as an anchor to try stop whatever was happening from happening. And he could see the fear in Tony’s eyes, and he could hear Tony's words from forever ago “…and if you die, I feel like that’s on me. I don’t need that on my conscience…”. And Peter wanted to tell Tony that+
+it wasn’t his fault. Tony had tried to send him home and Peter had been stubborn, *loyal*, and followed him, this wasn’t Tony’s fault. But the words kept circling his thoughts and Peter wanted to tell him, but instead all that came out was a terrified whimper of repeated +
+“I don’t wanna go”.
Peter would've tried so hard to fight against it, against the tearing pain, but obviously that was stronger than him, and Peter managed a whisper of “I’m sorry” before it took over and he was gone. Everything was gone.
And then it wasn’t, he woke up+
Peter would've tried so hard to fight against it, against the tearing pain, but obviously that was stronger than him, and Peter managed a whisper of “I’m sorry” before it took over and he was gone. Everything was gone.
And then it wasn’t, he woke up+
+it was like waking from a nap, all sore and disoriented.
And Doctor Strange was there, but Tony wasn’t, and he told him it had been five years and that there was a fight happening, that they had to face off Thanos again.
And Peter could hear Tony's words ringing in his+
And Doctor Strange was there, but Tony wasn’t, and he told him it had been five years and that there was a fight happening, that they had to face off Thanos again.
And Peter could hear Tony's words ringing in his+
+head again, “I feel like that’s on me”.
Five years.
Tony must’ve thought he was dead.
That it was his fault for all of this.
“When we get there…you do not throw yourself immediately into the fight, you hear me?” Strange had told him, knowing this was their only chance+
Five years.
Tony must’ve thought he was dead.
That it was his fault for all of this.
“When we get there…you do not throw yourself immediately into the fight, you hear me?” Strange had told him, knowing this was their only chance+
+“You hold back, you find somewhere safe. You’ll know when you’re needed.” And Strange would've made Peter promise.
And of course, Peter listened, because last time he didn't listen he'd ended up in space and suddenly five years had passed.+
And of course, Peter listened, because last time he didn't listen he'd ended up in space and suddenly five years had passed.+
+ Then there was Tony, and Tony needed help, and Peter just knew it, that was his cue. He rushed in once the assailant was out of the way, unable to stop himself from the excited word vomit of everything that was happening. Because it was TONY. And Tony was the same, here was+
+PETER. The kid who he'd lost, who the simple memory of was the reason that they'd managed to do all this time travel. And then Tony’s arms were around him, and Peter just stopped. He knew the hug wasn’t just for him. It was for Tony's peace of mind. Obvious in the way he had+
+looked at him before pulling him into this embrace.
Tony needed it.
“I feel like that’s on me…” The words continued to haunt Peter's memory.
The fight continued and Peter got a hold of the gauntlet. And he could remember holding it, only hours beforehand for him, so close to+
Tony needed it.
“I feel like that’s on me…” The words continued to haunt Peter's memory.
The fight continued and Peter got a hold of the gauntlet. And he could remember holding it, only hours beforehand for him, so close to+
+being able to remove it from Thanos’ hand, so close to stopping him the first time.
But he hadn’t been strong enough.
And as a result half the world had vanished.
But he was back now, they were all back. And Thanos was at it again, only this time Peter wasn’t going to let go.+
But he hadn’t been strong enough.
And as a result half the world had vanished.
But he was back now, they were all back. And Thanos was at it again, only this time Peter wasn’t going to let go.+
+Despite it being the last thing he wanted, Peter activated instant kill, holding tightly both hands to the stones, watching as hoards of aliens came towards him, piling up under his feet, climbing, coming in from every angle. And he started to panic. Which is when Cap threw+
+mjolnir. And Peter moved from person to person, holding tightly to the gauntlet, even after falling, with the ground exploding around him he held to it tightly, he wouldn’t let go.
He couldn’t.
When Captain Marvel landed in front of him and asked for it, Peter was+
He couldn’t.
When Captain Marvel landed in front of him and asked for it, Peter was+
+hesitant.
He didn’t know who this woman was or where she came from.
He was hesitant to hand it over, because he was scared if he let go then something wrong would happen again. But he had seen what she’d just done, and so he handed it over.
And then Thanos still gets it. And+
He didn’t know who this woman was or where she came from.
He was hesitant to hand it over, because he was scared if he let go then something wrong would happen again. But he had seen what she’d just done, and so he handed it over.
And then Thanos still gets it. And+
+Peter has to watch as Tony snaps his fingers and he barely gets a goodbye in before Tony dies and Peter can't stop thinking about the fact that he had failed to remove the gauntlet from Thanos the first time and he had let go of it the second time and now Tony was dead and+
+it was all his fault. He can't stop running through his head the "what if's"
what if he hadn't followed him to space and been a distraction
what if he had been successful removing the gauntlet the first time
what if he hadn't let go of it this time.
what if, what if, what if.
what if he hadn't followed him to space and been a distraction
what if he had been successful removing the gauntlet the first time
what if he hadn't let go of it this time.
what if, what if, what if.
