so my sister and i had a 'not really' a fight but somehow like that, where i thought she's just acting and saying a lot that may be considered as lines for a movie but it's not, and i kept teasing her like "uyyy ang arte, best actress ka ghorl?" But i'm just joking tho up until--

I noticed her being serious already, and i stopped teasing her and looked away while using my phone and the reason is that i showed up a picture of a mom and her daughter being fans of bts, she told me that "yan na naman wala ka namang mapapala dyan, ----

Papaaralin ka ba ng mga army na yan" (she's referring to bts because that's what she always say, i guess she just let out what she wanna say and said army instead of bts) then sagot ko sa kanya "ayan ka na naman, binabash mo na naman sila, di mo naman ako mahal---

di mo man lang ako sinusuportahan" (but i'm just kidding) then nilambing lambing niya ako (magtatagalog na ko wala anman siguro masyado magbabasa nito pagod na ko magenglish haha) sinabihan pa nga niya akong i purple you eh. Hanggang sa humirit ako sabi ko "ate lightstick :(("--

"Kahit yung mots lang kasi limited edition yun.." actually i always tell her this kasi i badly want it, but i can't since wala akong pambili hahsha. Tapos ayan na nagsisimula na, akala ko di pa siya ganun kaseryoso, she told me na "Ano akala mo sakin maraming pera? ---

May patago ka ba? Di ka pa nga nagbabayad ng bills dito eh" -- tinatawanan ko pa siya kasi nagbibiro lang naman talaga ako, di pa ba siya nasanay na lagi I always mention anything basta about bts? Mapa-merch man yan or nah. ------

"Ako nga nung high school ako wala akong cellphone tapos ikaw ngayon meron na, pinaghirapan ko yun para makabili ng sarili kong cellphone tapos ikaw sasabihin mo lang na ganyan?" — Sagot ko sa kanya habang nangingiti pa, "iba kasi yung generation mo"(btw my sister is a '96 liner)

"Wag mong macompare-compre yung generation ko sa generation mo, palibhasa kasi nasanay ka na nasusunod lahat ng gusto mo, isang sabi mo lang nandyan na agad." Medyo tinataasan na ko ng boses ni ate nung time na to but i just continued teasing her na ang galing niya mag-acting---

"Kung gusto mong makabili mag-ipon ka, paghirapan mo" — nasa isip isip ko nung time to na paano ako makakaipon kung wala naman akong mapagkukunan ng pera? Wala ring pasok so saan? Paano? Hindi naman ako mukhang pera, pero gusto ko lang din sana magkaroon ng---

Mga bagay na gustong-gusto ko.. may chance na ko bumili dati pero di ko tinuloy kasi alam kong may mas importante nung time na yun, 'di naman ako makasarili, iniisip ko rin naman mga nasa paligid ko, pero di niya/nila yata napapansin yun, di naman kasi ako showy eh. :))

Syempre sa sinabi niyang 'yon, doon na ko nasaktan, kasi kung totoong nasusunod lahat ng gusto ko, edi sana simula pa lang nakabili na ko ng lahat ng gusto kong bilhin esp. merchs, pero hindi eh. Mula nung napansin kong seryoso at badtrip na siya sa akin, i think i am starting---

to lose hope. Paano ko ipagpapatuloy ang mga bagay-bagay kung may patuloy na humahadlang? Kung yung support nila eh minsan ko lang maramdaman? Because of that scenario, na paulit-ulit na lang, siguro I'll just try myself to stop what I wanna do. Maybe tomorrow, or ---

the next day, or the next following days, I'll be gone like a bubble? They don't know what bts taught me and helped me most of the time. Now, I FEEL DISCOURAGED. This scenario happened a lot of times but I'd let them go and continue..

I guess I'm making this thread too long and I really wanna say more but I'll end it here for today. To those who read this until the end, thank you and you spent your time reading my non-sense thread. I just feel sad and I think I can freely express it here. So thank you! Ily!