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finally figured out how to articulate something that& #39;s been bugging me for a while.
cis people volunteering pronouns in a broadcast medium (presentation, text bio) to normalize doing that: awesome. great. yes.
doing it in a conversation in order to find out someone else& #39;s: NO
cis people volunteering pronouns in a broadcast medium (presentation, text bio) to normalize doing that: awesome. great. yes.
doing it in a conversation in order to find out someone else& #39;s: NO
if you don& #39;t know someone& #39;s pronouns and it& #39;s reaching the point where that& #39;s awkward (or has passed that point -- we& #39;ve all been there), just ask.
don& #39;t do it with introductions.
bluntly: give me enough information to trust you first.
don& #39;t do it with introductions.
bluntly: give me enough information to trust you first.
"btw, what are your pronouns?" can be a casual and necessary question but it& #39;s not a neutral one. when I answer it I am making myself vulnerable in a way that you probably aren& #39;t, unless your answer to that question also elicits looks of confusion or skepticism.
I do that! in situations when it& #39;s worth it to me to connect authentically, and when I believe it& #39;s more likely to elicit that connection than dispel it. I mention it when I need to, when it& #39;s relevant.
... admittedly I usually mention it after realizing belatedly I forgot to! but that& #39;s on me, and even when I get misgendered there& #39;s this whole calculus that starts up about whether it& #39;s worth correcting them and risking that it might start a Conversation About Pronouns
so it sucks being asked to throw that out the window and just be vulnerable to strangers off the bat, in a context where no one else is being that vulnerable
plus it sucks for people who aren& #39;t out! who are questioning! who use different pronouns in different communities!
plus it sucks for people who aren& #39;t out! who are questioning! who use different pronouns in different communities!
none of this is to say don& #39;t ask! just don& #39;t do it by default (or by giving yours, it& #39;s passive-aggressive). ask when it comes up naturally! when you want to use them, or it& #39;ll clarify something. in intros for some groups but not all.
do ask, just consider what you& #39;re asking :)
do ask, just consider what you& #39;re asking :)
man there is like 1/4 of each of three different good thread ideas in this thread. welp.
